Dream to Feel
by Albion19
Summary: After the kiss Elena has a slow dawning revelation about Elijah. Set after 4x18. Elejah.
1. Chapter 1

She compels a man to drive her back to Mystic Falls, asking him to pull over a few times along the way. She is hungry and while she had given the Salvatore brothers her ultimatum she lets the man drive back home unharmed. She does not need to kill wantonly, only if they give her reason to.

She wanders through the dark, now utterly homeless and wonders what to do. For the first time in years she does not have someone at her back, waiting to save her and the freedom this elicits is wonderful. She has no strong ties to anyone and as soon as she graduates she will take the insurance on the destroyed house and leave. New York has merit...

Her mind preoccupied so she realises she has walked to a familiar house when the light spilling from the windows shine on her. Rebekah's house.

"Elena? What are you doing here?"

The blonde vampire steps onto her porch and Elena shrugs.

"I'm homeless," she replies flatly and Rebekah's mouth curls.

"I see. You thought our little sister act extends to sleep overs? Sweet, really, deluded but sweet." She narrows her eyes, smile falling. "I thought you were staying with Damon?"

"Not any more," she answers and takes a step closer. "I didn't come here with the intention of staying. I was just walking…"

"Hum, I'm sure. Well why don't you walk a little further?" Elena thinks she is going to point down the street but she flourishes a hand towards the open front door. "Come on, before the neighbours start to talk and I change my mind."

Elena smiles and feels a faint bubbling of gratitude.

* * *

"This is only temporary. While our little road trip was fun and we surprisingly made a good team I think we both know we'll be trying to kill each other by the end of the week."

She walks into her homely sitting room, plonks down onto the couch and flicks on the television. American Idol is on and the ancient vampire snuggles into the cushions.

"Well I can see this is going to be stimulating."

"Don't like it go somewhere else. I need something mindless right now…" she gazes at the screen as Elena takes a seat in an armchair, watching as Rebekah's eyes lose focus. While she and Caroline act like mortal enemies they are more alike than either would like to admit. Rebekah's quips hide a deep hurt and Elena zeros in on that like a shark to blood.

"Something wrong?"

"Hmm? Oh nothing…just Elijah."

Elena feels a perplexing pulse go through her at his name. "What about him?"

"He comes across as this charming gentleman but underneath…" she shakes her head, looking sad before pinning Elena with an accusing look. "I love my brother and I know he wants to aspire to more than he is but when he enters the fray he will stop at nothing to meet his goal."

"I don't understand?" Elena says, toeing off Katherine's heels.

"Elijah has the cure but he won't give it to me," she replies and can not suppress her bitter sadness.

Elena straightens, eyes gleaming. "He has it? How did he get it?"

"Katherine gave it to him," she answers and waves her hand as if this is trivial.

"So he trusts her again?" The disappointment she feels is almost starling in its sharpness.

Rebekah snorts. "As you've no doubt summarized he's just as idiotic as the rest of them. He says he's learned from his mistake but he doesn't really see what a snake that woman is. Everything she does is for her own gain," she finishes, with that far off look in her eye again. Elena can see there is bitter blood between them and it goes back years.

"I never took him for a fool so I hope he doesn't fall for it again." She sighs and settles back in the comfortable armchair, watching the screen but not really seeing it. Rebekah regards her quizzically.

"What _did_ happen when you got to the gazebo?" She asks. Elena's mouth curls coyly and she flicks amused eyes at Rebekah who seems to have got the gist with a dawning horror. "Oh god…"

"He's actually a really good kisser."

"Stop at once! First Katherine and now you! Though I'm less shocked at this news."

"You are? Why?"

"Because he's always been pathetically smitten with you," she says in a way that only a little sister can. Disgust and bemusement. She leaves Elena to digest this as she disappears into the kitchen.

_Smitten? Affectionate yes but smitten?_

Elena looks back at the TV and sucks at her bottom lip thoughtfully until Rebekah comes back with a bottle of wine and chocolate. She spends the next two hours regaling Elena with stories of her past before heading up to bed.

Elena lies back on her temporary mattress and stares out of the window, a finger trailing over her mouth. The cure is now found and safe, as safe as it can be and within walking distance. If she knows it is only a matter of time before Damon and Stefan find out. How long will it take them, with their arguing and moralising, before they come to the agreement that they need to shove the cure down her throat? For her own good of course…

This is why she could not stay with them and this house is her best bet. Here she is safe, for now. Once she tells Rebekah this, who desperately wants the cure, she should be more willing let her stay longer. The cure means nothing to Elena but she would rather have Rebekah take it than it being a bargaining chip for the woman who killed her brother.

_How could he fall into her trap? The man who always seems two steps ahead. Is he so soft hearted? Like Rebekah who wears her heart on her sleeve. Wisdom does not come with age, that's for sure._

But for all her disparaging thoughts her mind can not stop turning to the image of him pressed against her, his mouth on hers. She had felt stunned, a feeling that had vibrated through the hollowness she felt since her brother died. Now it thuds inside, quiet but persistent, like a heartbeat. Of course she had always felt they shared a strange connection and trust, one she can not truly account for. He is a thousand years older but at their core they are the same. At least they were…

Smitten? She smiles slightly to herself, the pleasant thud turning into something lustier. She is not without feeling, the off switch a lie. Her emotions are not as strong as before and something's are barely noticeable, like compassion and love. She feels excitement and anger, happiness and lust, jealousy and disappointment. She is free from extremes of these, or so she thought. Her disappointment at Elijah's transgression had surprised her. If it had been anyone else she would not have cared. What is it to her who he sleeps with or trusts? His mistakes are his and he has to own them.

_I don't care…so why can't I stop thinking about it?_

Perturbed at her odd feelings Elena rolls over and closes her eyes, ready for sleep. As she does something makes her nose wrinkle but it is gone before she falls asleep.

* * *

_His lips trail over her skin, soft and barely there before he settles a kiss on her mouth. She pushes against him, the traffic and people surrounding the gazebo growing distant until there is no one there but her and Elijah. His kiss is tender but with a growing pressure behind it and she leans into him, her hands gliding up his chest to rest on his shoulders. Her heart races and she groans, strong emotion cutting off his name in her throat. He pulls back and his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her tightly against him and she holds him. _

"_Elena," the name is a breath against her ear, hardly heard and she smiles. He knows. Elena moves to face him again when something catches her eye and she stills. _

"_What is that?" She points to something at the foot of the gazebo. All at once she is hit with a crippling fear and with it a smell._

* * *

Elena bolts upright into the morning light, sweat pouring off her and gulps in a breath. As she does she gags and throws a hand over her mouth. There is a smell, pungent and cloying coming from the foot of the bed and she edges over to look. Nothing, the plush cream carpet is spotless and the smell completely gone.

She sits back and looks at herself in the mirror, noting the way her face is strained and clammy and spends the next twenty minutes sitting there until all vestiges of her unrest is gone. As she gets up from bed she is a picture of composure and her nightmare discarded, along the rush of impossible emotion that came from the dream about Elijah.

But the smell lingers, the memory of it. The smell of putrefaction.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_I don't know about you but after that kiss Elena looked like she had her world rocked lol. What if she realises that she feels something for him? That's what this story will be about, amongst other things. This won't be as long as "Liaison" though, at least I don't plan for it to be._

_This is set after 4x18 so there will be some mentions of Kalijah but this will be purely an Elejah story. However I was intrigued by Elena's reaction to them, for someone who doesn't care she seemed to..._

_The title is taken from "Hanna's Theme" by The Chemical Brothers, a song that somewhat inspired the story. Next chapter Elijah arrives..._


	2. Chapter 2

The garden is quiet and well cultivated. Rebekah had told her, before leaving that morning, that she and Madam De Pompadour had been garden enthusiasts together. The longer she stays with her the more names she drops. Elena reclines on the bench, bare legs crossed at the ankle, the sun warm on her skin. She closes her eyes for a moment and inhales. Only mowed grass. She had obviously imagined it. Either that or Rebekah had something rotting under her floorboards.

"Elena?"

She opens her eyes to see Elijah standing next to her, likely here to visit his sister. He steps onto the grass before her, blocking the sun and Elena's lips quirk.

"I could be. For all our sakes you better be sure before you come any closer."

His jaw sets at an angle as he tries not to smile and fails. "I think we'll be safe this time." His smile fades as he looks up at the house and back at her. "Social call?"

"I live here now. At least until she kicks me out"

"I thought you were at the Guest House? At least that's what Rebekah informed me."

"We had a difference of opinion. If they don't stop trying run my life people will die," she answers flatly and he narrows his eyes at her impassive face. Finally he shakes his head and takes a seat beside her, sighing. They sit in silence, looking over the garden before Elena speaks quietly.

"Rebekah told me that you've got it. What will you do?" She watches the side of his face as he sits back and exhales a long breath.

"Honestly I don't know. I want to examine all avenues but I have to be quick. Once Silas finds out that I have it it's only a matter of time before he comes after me."

This news, delivered in his utterly calm way, sends a jab of concern through her. It is flimsy and easily discarded but she is left confused and mildly uneasy.

"What can he do?"

"According to Klaus just about anything. He seems to possess abilities more witch than vampire." He looks at her for a moment, his calm belied by a glint of agitation in his eyes. "Force him to take the cure and kill him Silas gets what he wants. The veil falls…"

Elena taps at her knee thoughtfully. "If he's really that powerful why didn't he just take the cure when Katherine had it? He was in that tomb for thousands of years, he's weak…I think you should give it to Rebekah," she finishes, changing tack.

He looks at her fully, head tilted to the side, "I assumed you wanted it. My brother did die for that aim didn't he?"

_Here it is_, she thinks tiredly. He does not look or sound angry but she knows he feels pained. He had mentioned knowing the pain of losing a brother before, a jab and a condolence all rolled into one. She gazes at him unflinchingly, never looking away.

"Jeremy needed to kill hundreds of vampires to complete the mark, it would have taken him years and I wanted to spare him that. Kol was after him, he compelled Damon to kill him, and he needed to be stopped. Eliminating his bloodline and removing the threat he posed seemed…sufficient." As much as it must hurt for him to hear it is the truth. "I did it for Jeremy and I know you understand how important family was to me. I'm not saying this hurt you, it's the truth."

"Sufficient…" he repeats, the word sour in his mouth. "I was not blinded to his faults. He had an entire phone book full of people wanting to kill him, and for good reason, but he was still my little brother," he responds quietly, looking away. "So yes I understand the importance of family."

"If it makes you feel any better his death led to my brother's. Jeremy died for nothing, for something I never even wanted. Kol was right, bringing Silas back means hell on earth…I should have listened."

He stares at her again, his eyes dancing with conflict. For some reason she can not make herself look at him. His capacity to forgive her up to this point has been never ending. Maybe that well is finally running dry.

"If I wanted you dead I could have done it in Willoughby," he says softly, as if reading her mind.

"Hundreds of vampires are dead because of me."

"Yes, they are…" he says seriously, with no anger and surprisingly little judgement. He looks into the distance, losing focus before he starts speaking again. "If I had killed Klaus thousands would have died, including most of the people you know. If I know you at all it was not an easy decision to make."

Elena stills, realising what Elijah would have done if he had killed Klaus. She cocks her head, not knowing what to say so she drops it. Going over painful transgressions if not something she cares for, humanity or no humanity. She stands and he follows her up, trailing a pace behind her as she walks into the garden.

"Do you have the cure on you now?"

"It's in a safe place."

"So you do," she catches his eye and he smiles briefly at her, letting his fingers trail over a poppy. Elena considers it, her gaze far away.

"How long can vampires go without sleeping?"

"I've achieved two weeks. Woke up in Bedlam, so I wouldn't suggest it. Even creatures like us need sleep. Why do you ask?"

Elena shrugs, "just curious…" she leans against a tree trunk, bare feet in the grass and he steps closer. She regards him openly, almost brazenly and he arches an eyebrow at the scrutiny.

"Yes?"

"I never thought of you like that. You were just my odd negotiator."

"I see and what am I now?"

"An odd negotiator that kissed me."

He gazes at her for a long time, tight smile curling his mouth before he looks at her feet. "I see that I will not live that down. Elena I…"

"You don't have to say anything. It was nothing," she leans off the tree and brushes past him and she half expects him to grab her arm but he never touches her.

"Where is Rebekah?"

"She's gone to buy a prom dress or twenty. She said I should stay here in case I decided to stick another dagger in her." Elena sits back down, eyeing him as he remains standing.

"Yes, I think I'll have to act as chaperone," he says, sounding like he has been asked to pull teeth.

"Is your mutual benefit thing is still happening? Maybe you could take her?" She smiles sweetly at him and he narrows his eyes.

"It bothers you? Why?"

"Nothing bothers me," she looks away from him, staring at the perfectly pruned bushes instead.

"We both know that's not true. I've been in your place, of course. It doesn't last. People of an even temperament could sustain it for a time but you…you're damming an ocean."

"I've heard this spiel before," she says, bored but still not looking at him as he sits back down beside her.

"Call it what you will. They've told you that you should turn it back on before it's too late? That fate is inevitable because there is no switch."

She looks at him for a moment, not wanting to listen but unable to stop. "Seems pretty switched off to me."

"To switch something off conveys the absence of something but that's not true. Even now you can feel it, impounded behind the wall you chose to put up. But that wall is merely suggestion."

"I never chose."

"I'm sorry?" He blinks, leaning closer.

"I didn't switch it off, or dam it away or whatever you wanna call it. Damon used the sire bond to stop what I was feeling."

He sits there staring at her in stunned silence and Elena gazes at him emptily. "I…I have never heard of that happening before." He looks repulsed, clenching his jaw until his face grows white.

"I would have done it anyway," she says flatly and his face drains of disgust, replaced with pity.

"Would you?"

"It was…too big." She looks away, her mind going over that night. She can see and hear it all clearly but what she felt is unfocused, like something seen through fogged glass. Dull and lifeless. Better that than the alternative.

"I'm sorry, to bare a loss is never easy and you have had many," he says gently and Elena shrugs.

"I had to snap one day. You can only go through so much crap before reaching a breaking point. But if I hadn't been a vampire I would not be sitting here now. It's not all bad," she adds as he looks despondent at her words. "I feel better than I have in years. I have no fear, feel no pain and have no inhibitions. I can start living my life free of all that. I can begin again."

"And again and again. It won't last. You seem imbued with a certain bluntness so I hope you can take it in return. There is a sea of grief, sadness and guilt just waiting to drown you and it will. Maybe not now, or even in a decade but it will come down."

"And drown me. Apt analogy," she scoffs.

He winces and takes her hands. "It does not have to consume you. You are not ready for that pain and I do not blame you but there is another way of avoiding the inevitable, at least lessening the effect."

"What?"

"Bits at a time, a manageable amount. I can show you how, when you're ready."

Elena shakes her head furiously and gets to her feet. "No. I don't want to feel, even a little bit. Why are telling me this?"

"Because I care, even if you can't."

Elena crosses her arms over her chest, unable to look at him once again. What is wrong with the man? "I don't want your pity and I don't deserve it. Maybe you think you can start fresh with me, where you failed with Katherine but I'm not her."

He stands, nostrils flaring. "I never said or thought you were and she has nothing to do with this. I know you're disappointed in me, you've made that abundantly clear, but I do not say these things to you lightly. I will not push you; I have no interest in making you do anything. I could easily compel you to reclaim your emotions but I won't. I'm only telling you the truth and offering you an alternative when that day comes."

"Then you'll be waiting for a long time. Accept that and let's move on." She tilts her head and moves closer to him. "I don't want to fight with you, I like you Elijah and you know I don't say _that_ lightly." She smiles, her previous disagreement gone like it never was and replaced with something playful. Any strong emotions she feels comes and goes quickly, like tempests. "Are you hungry? I've never seen you feed from someone, or vamp out at all. I like that control — "

She stops with a strangled noise. Over Elijah's shoulder something shifts in the kitchen window and Elena spins around, her eyes wide.

"Elena?"

"I thought I saw…" she peters off, her eyes darting frantically through the trees and hedges. "It was just a shadow. Excuse me," she says quietly, walking passed a confused looking Elijah and disappears into the house. Moments later Rebekah arrives, laden with bags and glowing.

"Nothing will stop me this time, that bloody crown will be mine!" Her bright smile fades as she sees her troubled looking brother hovering in the doorway. Her shoulders slump. "Now what?"

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_This was hard to write. After learning that Elijah did know about Kol's death I had to write about it. I just hope it's somewhat believable because the canon I had to work with didn't make it easy. _

_I'm aiming to post a chapter a day but we'll see how it goes :)_


	3. Chapter 3

"Elena? Still alive in there? In a manner of speaking…" Rebekah knocks on the bathroom door as Elena lies soaking in the huge bath tub. "Elijah said you threw a wobbly."

Elena straightens, stirring the frothy bubbles around her. "A what?"

"Well those weren't his exact words. He's gone now, by the way. Are you decent?" She turns the door knob after Elena gives the affirmative and only hesitates for a fraction as she sees Elena's neck and head floating above the bubbles. She eyes the half empty bottle of bath foam with displeasure before taking a seat on a hamper basket.

Elena eyes her evenly. "Did he give you the cure?"

"No, he's still deciding."

"Why don't you just take it?"

Rebekah snorts, "He's not Klaus but he would dagger me himself if I did that. He's still got his blasted word to that harpy to consider. He hasn't broached the subject with Klaus yet, too embarrassed I assume. Klaus will laugh him out of town and rightfully so."

Not wanting to talk about Elijah and his exploits she regards Rebekah with a keen light. "Someone better do something with the cure and fast. It's only a matter of time before Damon and Stefan try to use it on me. That's if Silas doesn't get to it first."

"You becoming human again or hell on earth? I don't know which one is more ghastly," she smiles waspishly and Elena's lips twitch. She sits up and Rebekah gets to her feet, snorting when Elena cocks an eyebrow at her.

"I never took you for a prude."

"Please. I could tell you _such_ stories but my debauchery will have to wait for another night. Got a prom to get ready for," she leaves and Elena steps out of the water, imagining Elijah downstairs. She lets herself smile but knows that she and Rebekah are the only ones in the house.

_Well, almost._

Ghosts exist, of course, but the possibility of a haunting happening to her has never entered her head. As she gets ready for bed she lets her mind wander where it will.

_Maybe it is the switch or dam? Maybe he is right and there are little fragments coming through. Not true emotions, just memories of them. In time it will pass…_

But as she contemplates the odd things that she has been experiencing a doubt creeps into mind. It is not the sightings or whatever she is experiencing that troubles her but her reactions to them. In the garden she had felt fear, a sharp stab that was gone as quick as it struck. But she should not feel that, no matter how fleeting.

_It will drown you_

She tries to block the memory, willing her mind to go blank but she can not stop recalling his words, his voice. He may have more experience but he is also a hopelessly deluded man and no matter what he says to the contrary he wants to see the old Elena back for his own sake. Katherine is a lost cause but her?

_He's not like that, he wouldn't lie…the only one lying to themselves is me._

Elena's mouth grows thin and she banishes these thoughts as she walks along the corridor to her room. As she does she passes a door ajar and freezes, her blood running cold. On the bed a pair of feet are visible under the covers, rigid and still. She turns stiffly and from the room comes a sickening wave of death, clogging her mouth and nose. She covers her lower face and edges towards the door, her heart beating frantically.

_It will be gone when I look, it will be gone when I look, it will be gone!_

These thoughts whirling around her head she opens the door and looks in. A dead body is on the bed, covered by a sheet. Elena can not move, breathe or make a sound. Her eyes are fixed on the sight and it is psychically impossible to look away, though she screams inside her head to do so.

_Jeremy?_

"Elena! Bonnie Bennet is on the phone! She wants to know if you're going to the prom. While I'm relaying that message just a reminder that I'm not your bloody butler!"

Rebekah's voice breaks the spell and Elena staggers away, her eyes squeezing shut. She reels back until she hits the opposite wall, breathing hard.

"It's not real," she says harshly and opens her eyes. The room is empty.

* * *

She watches the car drive away into the dark, the road deserted. Once the orange tail lights have faded away she turns on her heel and walks back into town. She likes feeding this way, hitching rides from strangers and taking their blood. She is getting better and better at control, only taking what she needs. Her way is a lot less conspicuous than what Damon had shown her and far less messy. Rebekah does not share her preference and so Elena finds herself eating alone, while her house mate dines in her own way.

Her hunger sated she walks amongst a few night owls, people either finishing the day or starting it. Teenagers laugh in the distance and she follows the sound, her mind uncontrollably going to Jeremy. After her last episode she had gone straight to the road to drink, needing to obliterate the memory and worse the way she felt. Since coming back from Willoughby her emotional state has been worryingly out of control, not just the spikes of dread but other feelings. She catches herself thinking about Elijah and the kiss and the resulting excitement she feels is at once welcome and alien. She is free of such feelings; why get herself tangled in them again, even a little?

She comes to a stop when she sees two familiar people standing on a street corner. Klaus and Elijah. She narrows her eyes and steps back into the shadows, careful not to be seen as she moves closer to hear. Klaus is grinning from ear to ear.

"Your word? Pox on your word! I told you, years ago, that falling for her schemes is a common mistake. _Common!_ Everyone knows her wiles and you better than anyone. I don't get. If anything I've been labouring under the belief that you were besotted with the other one. She was the reason you left after all," he says, his amusement turning into confusion.

Elijah looks like he would like to rip his arm off and beat Klaus with it. "You wanted to know how the cure came into my possession and there you have it. I made a mistake but there won't be another," he says simply and shrugs. "Now drop it."

"Oh come on, it's not every day I get to look down on _you_ in judgement. Give me that morsel." He grins, all but bouncing on his feet. Elijah rolls his eyes and Elena moves back, almost certain she had been seen.

"So what is it to be? Give the cure to our sister, hide it or destroy it?"

Klaus grows serious. "It is imperative that Silas never find it Elijah. You need to be careful."

"So destroy it?"

"And receive Rebekah's hate in return? You couldn't." Klaus looks down the street, shoulders rising. "I wanted her to have it but if it is the last option to get rid of Silas…Keep it safe, don't tell anyone where it is, not even me. I'll speak to you later." He says abruptly, looking suddenly paranoid.

Elena watches Klaus walk away and then back at Elijah who is standing with his back to her, head cocked to the side. A small smile plays over his mouth. Elena steps forward, looking up at the pretty town house before her.

"I always wondered where you lived."

"Care to see the rest?" He says, keys dangling from his fingers. Smiling swiftly Elena shrugs and joins him.

* * *

Most of the furniture is covered with dust sheets and she follows him as he pulls them off, revealing darkly polished wood and expensively upholstered furnishings. He bundles up a sheet covering a leather sofa as Elena stares around.

"I thought it would be bigger."

He smirks and folds the sheets up, moving them to an airing cupboard. He draws the curtains and switches on a lamp. Hundreds of dust specks float in the light, something as a human she would have only seen with beams of sunlight. She is mesmerised until she realises that he is staring at her.

"Late night?"

"I got hungry," she says and takes seat on the sofa as he pours them both a drink. "How long are you staying for this time?"

He shakes his head slightly before offering her the glass. "Until my family are safe. When I leave I'm going to ask them to come with me."

Elena nods. "Soon as I graduate I'm gone."

"Where will you go?" He leans against a bookcase, totally at ease.

"A big city, somewhere I can get lost in." She swivels the glass, imagining herself hundreds of miles away before focusing on Elijah. "I overheard what you and Klaus said. Why don't you just give it to Rebekah? She's your sister."

"It's not as simple as that," he says and leans off the bookcase and sits opposite her.

"It is. Making him mortal and killing Silas releases hell on earth, therefore it's not an option. Even bringing my brother back isn't worth that," she says quietly and he gazes at her gently.

"If we withhold the cure from him he'll continue to torment. He did that to Klaus and I don't think he'll stop there."

"Tormenting Klaus is a bad thing?" she dead pans and he smiles tightly. "Why do_ you_ get to decide what we do with it anyway?"

He flashes a grin. "Who put me in charge? Would you rather have my brother instead?"

"No. I need to know that you won't let your compassion get in the way of doing what's needed."

He stills, eyes narrowing, "_My_ compassion?" There is a hint of bemusement in his voice.

"I think you're holding onto the cure until Klaus gives his word that he'll stop going after Katherine. You gave _your word_ and I know you don't like breaking it."

His bemusement turns into something darker. "You know that I have broke my word before. Don't paint me as something I am not. Do you remember the events that took place during our first meeting?"

How could she forget? He hit a man's head off with his bare hand. "I know how dangerous you are but I also know how much you care about people too. Don't let it get in the way."

"You have nothing to fear on that front," he says coldly and gets to his feet. "As you also overheard I have no illusions about Katherine any longer."

"Good. Now, is it here?" she asks breezily, getting to her feet. "Because if it is you better have the best protection known to man."

"It's secure, Elena. I can't tell you the location, it's safer that way."

"I know. Damon and Stefan will try to take it from you and they'll probably wreck your apartment as they do. I can only kill so many people before they decide to cram it down my throat."

"I won't let that happen," he says grittily and Elena lifts her eyebrows.

"_I_ won't let that happen. I don't want to kill them but if they make a move against me I will." She gives the glass back to Elijah, ignoring his troubled stare and decides to look at more of his apartment. She trails her fingers along the walls and doors, opening them as she goes. There is only two bedrooms. Unlike Rebekah, who has a family home and thus more rooms than she needs Elijah is the opposite. As she comes to a large master bedroom, clearly his, she steps inside. Like the others it is covered with dust sheets.

"Please, show yourself around," comes his drawling voice from behind her and she smirks.

"Have you ever built a dam to your humanity?" she asks, glancing at him as she tugs a little at a sheet covering his bed.

"Yes."

"More than once?" When he doesn't respond she turns to him. He stands before her, his face calm and composed. "Mind my own business?" she whispers and stills when he reaches behind her and pulls the sheet from the bed, his eyes fixed on her.

"Are you going to this prom?"

"Yes. Was that an invitation?" she asks and he smiles thinly. Elena regards him openly, with obvious appreciation and his smile begins to weaken. The kiss is surprisingly never far from her thoughts. At first she had been confused about her fixation on it but now she has no qualms. She would like to kiss him again. She has no reason to pretend and no capacity to fool herself or feel embarrassed. What she feels is lust, nothing more and certainly nothing deeper than that. While she has no capacity to delude herself she also has no illusions about the depths of her emotions. She is shallow and it is a place she never wants to stray from. Her eyes flick to his mouth and back to his eyes and he hesitates for a second, blinking before he moves away, taking the sheet with him. He leaves the room and Elena has a strange response. Not disappointment, that is easy to define. No this is something else.

_Hurt? Did he just hurt my feelings?_

Unable to ignore this truth she walks out of the bedroom and looks at Elijah blankly. "I better go. I'll see you at the prom." She brushes past him and he looks like he wants to speak but says nothing to stop her. Elena walks down the stairs, shying away from the little glowing coal of hurt like an animal regarding something strange and dangerous.

* * *

_The house is burning and smoke follows her down the street. She can smell the acrid stench of her life burning behind her but it does not mask everything. There is something faint underneath, almost sweet in a perverse way. She feels nothing but this needles at her. She does not like it._

_"Will you go away?" she turns and the flames are gone. Her house is no more than charred wood and bricks. She has not gone back to see the house since the fire. She closes her eyes and looks away, a dull throb of regret passing through her. When she opens them Jeremy is standing in front of her._

_"Help me."_

* * *

"Jeremy!" she shouts and her cry brings Rebekah bursting into her room within seconds.

"What was that?" She asks, looking around the room as if for an intruder.

"Jeremy..." Elena's heart pounds in her chest and the look she gives Rebekah makes the original freeze. There is terror in Elena's eyes but Rebekah can see it start to vanish until it is replaced with an eerie hollowness. Elena smiles strangely. "He's haunting me."

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_Prom next!_


	4. Chapter 4

Music beats out from the gym, the entrance now festooned with fairy lights. Twinkling spindly trees line a path that loops through the parking lot and couples in gowns and polished shoes make their way down it to the prom. Limos and pick-up trucks sparkle in the night, a hint at the juxtaposition of guests within.

Rebekah stares around contently as Elijah pulls out a chair for her to sit. She soaks in the sounds and the spectacle around her and sighs. She has been to more balls than she can count but this feels different. Before she would attend those gatherings as a means to display her position within society but not because she particularly wanted to. Oh she loved being at the forefront and respected but those dances were about appearance, rather than pleasure. She wants to have fun and feel young, even if she has to delude herself for the night.

"There she is," Elijah says, sitting across from her and she looks up to see Elena entering the gym. She had left getting her dress to the very last minute which is why she had declined coming with her and Elijah. Now decked out in a billowing pink dress she regards the students gathered with a detached hunger, like a food connoisseur wondering what to have first. Both Salvatore's are on her arms, looking awkwardly out of place.

"How does she do it? You know I think mother must have put some sort of alluring spell over the doppelgängers. It's the only explanation why you all go potty over her. Including you," she adds with quick wicked smile and Elijah gazes at her sardonically. He watches Elena slide her arms out of the brother's grip and mingle with the dancers, completely unconcerned with her ditched dates.

"Where are the dance cards? Yours must be overflowing," Elijah says and Rebekah glares daggers at him. Elijah looks down, smiling. "I kid. You look beautiful."

Rebekah smiles a little shyly and gets to her feet. "Thank you. Now don't just sit there or hover at the back, like you always do at these things. If you do I will force you to dance with me to One Direction."

"Well if you insist…" he smirks, watching her move over to the buffet table where Mat Donovan stands. Despite her threat he does move to the back where some without dates lean against walls and sit on benches. Here he finds Damon slinging back a flask and Elijah positions himself next to him and watches Elena dance with her class mates.

"I never thought I'd see you at one of these things."

"My sister had her heart set on going and she's without a date."

"Well aren't you the best brother in the world," Damon smirks while Elijah says nothing but positively radiates a wave of disdain. They stand in silence, watching Elena until Elijah speaks up quietly.

"If you're labouring under the belief that you can take the cure from me you're mistaken. I do not have it on me and I will not let you use it on Elena."

"Relax. Me and Stef are here to make sure this night doesn't end like the gym scene in Carrie."

Elijah narrows his eyes at Damon, "she's not without reason."

"Oh I know, she's become ruthlessly rational. Trouble is she's also a stone cold bitch and doesn't care who she hurts." Damon stares hard at Elena who dances with a huge grin on her face, her eyes flashing. "We just want her back to her old self."

"Yes, it seems the final act of your sire bond did not turn out as you hoped," he says coldly, not looking at Damon who turns to him, eyebrows raised.

"You're judging me? You weren't there; she would have come completely undone if I hadn't. She cracked."

Elijah continues to gaze at Elena as she stops dancing and sits at a table with Rebekah. "You took away her ability to grieve and because of that the pain will be a hundred times worse when the wall comes down. I know you wanted to spare her that but did you consider that she may have become this cold without turning off her humanity?"

Damon shakes his head, "I don't think she would have lived long enough for that to happen. Jeremy was dead and she had no one else she cared for. All her family, all the shit she had been through…she wouldn't have made it through the year."

Elijah shakes his head slowly. "She was not alone. She was surrounded by people who apparently care for her, who would have helped her. She could have pulled through but we'll never know because you never gave her the chance. Emotions are messy inconveniences to deal with, especially if they're not your own." As he speaks he never takes his eyes off Elena. Damon squints at him in anger.

"You think I did it for my own sake?" he hisses and Elijah turns to him, eyes glinting with a strange blankness.

"Only you know that. Turning Elena human will not revert her back to what she was, even without the grief she has gone down irrevocable paths that leave a mark. Being human won't change that." He goes back to watching Elena with a detached melancholy while Damon fumes.

"I don't even want her to be human again. Why am I justifying myself to you? Why do you care?"

Elijah flicks a contemptuous glance at Damon before leaning off the wall. "That's non of your concern." He straightens his jacket, looking at Damon and his expression seems to soften slightly. "I know that you wanted to end her suffering, as misguided as that was, but it was not your decision. Elena should be the one telling you this but she doesn't care enough to."

"When she does care enough to I'll take it, as screwed up as she'll be. Better that than this," he waves a hand at Elena who is obviously feeding on one of her class mates. He sighs and takes another swig from his flask, eyeing Elijah as something cruel enters his gaze. "I thought maybe I'd see Katherine lurking. Did you guys break up?" he pouts in mock sympathy.

Elijah straightens his cuffs, not looking at Damon but his jaw clenches hard. "Excuse me." He moves to leave but Damon throws up a hand.

"Hey man I'm not judging. I wasted _decades_ of my life believing that woman until I realised what she really was. It can happen to the best of us," he smiles and walks past Elijah who watches him go with a cold stare that turns into something contemplating. As he thinks he spots Elena following a couple outside and starts walking in her direction.

* * *

She licks the blood off her mouth as Elijah walks over to her, eyeing the confused looking couple she had just fed on as they make their way back to the dance. She smiles, sucking on the tip of a bloody finger before offering her hand to him.

"Want some?"

He eyes her hand with reserved amusement. "No thank you. You know you can use your own blood to close up the puncture wounds? Less conspicuous."

"Hmm, is that what you do?" she licks the last traces of blood away and he never takes his eyes off her mouth.

"Yes."

She smiles, pleased to know more about his feeding habits. She moves closer to him, head cocked to the side. "I saw you and Damon talking. Anything interesting?"

"Only about you. He doesn't want to use the cure on you, he wants you to stay as a vampire but go back to your old self." He watches her as she slowly circles around him in her dress, the hem swishing against the grass.

Elena scoffs but feels bone tired. "I don't care what he wants. There is no old me to get back."

"I know," he says simply and Elena stills, looking for any signs of duplicity but finds none. She smiles.

"I like being a vampire and even more I like the person I am now."

"You do? I have to confess I never thought you would. You cherished your humanity too much."

"I think someone is projecting," she whispers in a sing song voice behind his back, mouth near his ear and he smiles.

"Maybe I am." He turns to her and she offers her hand again, this time inviting him to dance. He pauses for a second, eyes narrowing before he laces his fingers through hers and pulls her forward into his arms. They move in slow circles, their bodies at ease together. Music plays softly in the background, something slow and wistful and Elena hums along before speaking.

"Do you remember the last conversation we had before I died? On the phone."

He stills for a moment, the hand on her waist tightening as he nods. "I was about to leave Mystic Falls with Rebekah, you were driving out of town with Mat…"

"You promised that you would uphold your side of the agreement, that once the stake was yours you and your family would run. What made you think they would ever agree? That's your problem you see, you expect everyone to act just as honourably as you do," she says gently, head resting against his shoulder.

"I wish that were true but I have no delusions to my worth," Elijah stares over her head, gaze conflicted but it soon turns to torment as she continues speaking.

"That's also true. Do you remember the very last thing you said to me before I died? You said 'take care Elena. I will see you again once the dust has settled.' The dust settled but you never came back." She lifts her head off his shoulder and looks into his eyes with a direct blank gaze, one that has him blink rapidly.

"My presence would not have changed what happened."

"Maybe but I wish you had been there anyway." _With me and not with her_, she thinks and the words echo in her mind freely. That is the root of her disappointment, not that he never came but because he was with Katherine. It is an extra sting to the fact that he knew about her transformation but still did not come. There is a self centeredness to her thoughts she freely accepts, she has no will to do so otherwise. She is jealous.

"I made a promise but my life became complicated and I didn't want to insert that into yours when it was already in a state of upheaval."

"You didn't want me to know, it's okay, you can say it," she sighs as he looks away for a moment, clearly conflicted and lets go of her hand. Elena rubs her palms against his chest, the ring on her finger flashing in the dark. She wants to peel him back, expose all his delusions and aspirations and most of all his feelings for her. Though they share a core similarity his continued belief and concern for her is an enigma she has to solve.

"I think we should go back inside, I think they're about to announce —"

"Do you see me," she asks quickly and he stops, blinking.

"Yes."

"Who am I?"

He smiles, "Elena Gilbert. Why? Is there something I should know?"

"Yes," she breathes and kisses him.

Her lips bump back against his and then return again quickly, pushing against him but he remains unresponsive. Her kiss becomes less demanding, hesitant as she begins to pull back, her eyes flickering open but he grabs her and kisses her back hard. She glides her hands over his shoulders and then threads her fingers into his hair and pulls slightly. He makes a noise, his body jerking against hers and his arms wrap around her, pulling her tight against him. He kisses her with a hungry almost taut passion, not like the gentle caress they had shared in the gazebo. He is holding back, she can tell by the way his hands grip and loosen on her body. For a moment there is no dam, no hunger or hollowness, only a blood rush that obliterates everything, even thought. It starts in her chest, her heart pounding and with it comes an exhilarating sense of kinship and it sparks through her like electricity.

He suddenly pushes her away before he immediately leans in again, placing his forehead to hers. Elena stares at him dazedly as his eyes burn. "Oh god..." he groans and pulls back, clearly looking guilty. As he battles an inner moral conflict the exhilaration she felt begins to dwindle until all that is left is a faint glow, one tinged with sorrow. Soon that will be gone, she thinks. The light that had momentarily awoken in her eyes is gone and she looks at him with indifference.

"You can pretend I'm Katherine if it helps. I'm used to it by now."

"Don't," he snaps and looks at her heatedly. Elena shrugs.

"Don't torment yourself, it was nothing," that is a lie but whatever she felt is fading. Being around him does something to her and while she would like to take what she feels to a physical level she can not risk anything else developing that should not. In that one moment she had felt brimful of emotions and she will not let that happen again.

Elijah walks away from her, a hand at his mouth and as she stares she feels a deep, traitorous throb of emotion: shame.

* * *

Rebekah watches Elijah enter the gym, looking particularly troubled. He does not approach her but heads toward the punch bowl. If he's expecting it to be spiked then he's out of luck, Rebekah thinks. Her mouth curling she spots Elena stalking into the gym and notices the way her eyes fix on Elijah before moving away. Her housemate, though seemingly without emotion, looks decidedly pissed off.

"Interesting…"

"What is?"

Rebekah turns to see Stefan, who sidles up to her, hands in his pockets. Rebekah sighs. She wants this night to be fun, to make her forget about all the disappointments and broken hopes.

"Oh, just that darling Elena seems to be cracking up."

"What?" He takes a seat across from her and leans forward.

"She thinks she's being haunted one moment and then pretends to the contrary the next. I don't know, she's just weird."

"Haunted?" he looks at Elena who is eyeing a dancing girl like a wolf would a sheep and then back at Rebekah. "So, I take it Elijah hasn't given you the cure?"

"Not that it's any of your business but no," her mouth thins and she looks at anyone but him, at couples together having fun. Stefan reaches over and touches her hand and she looks down.

"I don't want Elena to have the cure, I just want her flip to be switched."

"Well it looks like you're out of luck because Elena clearly enjoys being this way. It could be decades before she switches it back on."

"Decades…or minutes," he whispers, hardly audible. Rebekah frowns and leans forward a little. "If you compel her to switch it back on then I will do everything in my power to give the cure to you. Damon will to and, though I can't speak for him, I give you my word."

* * *

Rebekah's mouth opens slowly and Elena can see the shift in emotions from disbelief, anger to hope. Elena looks away, hidden from their view behind the bleachers.

_Will their attempts stop at nothing? Do I have to kill everyone in here just to prove a point? I need to get away from these people, this town, as soon as possible because I don't owe them one single thing._

She slips out from the bleachers, swiftly eyeing anyone that gets too close to her. She could so easily grab that girl's arm and sink her teeth in or slowly pull that guy's ear off, for starters. What horror would they reduce her to until they stop? How much bloodshed?

"Hey Elena, I like your dress."

"Thanks, I stole it," she says distractedly before realising who is talking to her. Amber Bradley. She had been one of the candidates for Miss Mystic Falls. Of course she had missed it because Stefan had been feeding on her in the woods for hours. On her neck is a scar, one that she has skilfully covered with makeup but the puncture marks are unmistakable. Elena has never given her much thought but she knows Stefan flinches at the mention of her name and avoids her at all costs. Elena smiles and looks down at the dark dress Amber wears.

"I like your dress to. Was that gonna be your Miss Mystic Falls dress?"

"Yep. Thought I might as well wear it," she smiles, a little too brightly and clasps her hands together, rocking on her heels. Elena looks for Stefan but finds him gone. As she searches Amber's smile fades into a look of condolence.

"I was sorry to hear about Jeremy."

"What? Oh, yeah, thanks," Elena says, distracted and only giving Amber a glance.

"You know he stopped Tyler Lockwood picking on me? So even though I knew he was smoking pot in the boys I never told on him."

"He was _such_ a pothead at that age, I don't know how he passed his exams," Elena says with a smile and catches herself. She stares at Amber, at her soft non judging eyes and feels something crack in her. Hairline thin and hardly notable it makes Elena gasp.

"Are you okay?" Amber touches her arm as Elena folds over, hair hiding her face.

"I — I'm fine. Leave me alone," she says raggedly and Amber nods sadly.

"Okay. I hope you feel better soon." She moves away, towards a table where her friends sit. Elena looks through the shielding curtain of her hair, her eyes dark and bleeding and with a snarl she grabs Amber in front of her friends and spins her around. One look at her monstrous face and Amber becomes utterly still, rooted with terror. All the horrible things that she had been made to forget now flood back.

She enfolds Amber in her arms, as if to hug her, and draws her fangs back and bites into her neck. At the stab of teeth Amber inhales and releases an ear piercing scream that makes everyone around stop and stare. Elena lifts her head, looking at the shocked and confused faces around her and then looks down at Amber. Except it's not Amber but Jeremy. With a horrified yell that comes from a deep, agonised place Elena drops him and backs away. He lies motionless, looking at her with open eyes that see nothing and someone starts to emit a strange noise: half wail, half intelligible ramble. It's only when she covers her bloody mouth she realise it is her.

"Elena?"

Elijah stands over Amber and Stefan comes up behind him, who grows pale at the sight of the girl on the floor. Unable to look at them she runs for the door as fast as she can, trying to stop herself from howling.

* * *

She catches herself on a tree trunk, her breath hitching as she tries not to sob but she cannot stop herself. Pain is welling up inside her, coming over the sides at a terrifying rate.

"I can stop it, if you let me."

At first she thinks it is Elijah and the relief that sweeps over her threatens to crush her flat but when she turns she freezes. It is not Elijah but Shane, accompanied by Bonnie.

"I — I thought you were dead?"

He smiles gently. "I'm not Shane."

"This is Silas, Elena," Bonnie says with something close to reverence. Elena stares at her friend in bewilderment.

"I don't understand. I — I …oh god," she looks up at the sky and closes her eyes. The emotions swell and fall but never abate and she can feel that hairline fracture starting to widen. Silas steps towards her with a look of pity.

"I can make your pain go away and for good."

Elena looks down and stares at him, fiercely distrusting. Bonnie moves towards her but never far from Silas.

"He's telling you the truth. He can do amazing things."

"You've been brainwashed Bonnie, he's dangerous. He's been making me see things, smell things," she glares at him in accusation but he looks back at her with seemingly honest confusion.

"I haven't made you see anything."

"You're lying. You killed my brother," her face crumples as she says this and he looks at her with regret.

"I'm sorry for your pain. I hadn't fed in over two thousands years and he was offered to me. I couldn't stop myself, it was instinct. It was nothing personal." He comes a step closer, features soft and pitying and Elena hisses at him, fangs bared. He smiles gently. "Right now all you want to do is kill me and I don't blame you. It's my only desire, apart from bringing down the veil."

"Please just leave me alone," she gasps, trying to stop thinking of Jeremy. The emotions are now a band around her neck and squeezing.

"Of course but before we leave an update: I am growing in strength and soon I will be coming for the cure myself. I foresee this action covered in bloodshed but that doesn't have to be the case. If you give it to me then all this can be avoided." He moves back and takes Bonnie's hand. "When I succeed you will be reunited with your brother and the pain will be no more. He hasn't died for nothing. Think on that."

Elena blinks and is alone amongst the trees.

* * *

Elijah closes the door behind him and exhales wearily. The night has been long and full of chaos The longer he stays in Mystic Falls the more this seems to be the case surrounding public events. They all seem cursed. I'm getting too old for this, he thinks, throwing his coat over the sofa. As he loosens his tie he freezes, hackles rising.

Someone is in his bedroom.

The door is ajar and through it he sees a fuchsia pink gown on the floor. In the bed, balled up under the covers, is Elena. He leans his forehead against the door and closes his eyes before giving a resigned sigh and pulling the door closed softly.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_Even though she only appeared in one episode I thought Amber was adorable and I wanted to see what happened to her._

_Next chapter more push/pull between Elena and Elijah... ;)_


	5. Chapter 5

Her eyes snap open and there is an absence of thought. For one precious moment she does not remember, her mind blank. All that exists is an underlying need, something rooted deep and thirsty but with this comes the image of blood and there is a burst of it on her tongue, a memory, deliciously sharp and metallic.

_I killed Jeremy._

The voice is clear but small, as if heard from a distant room. Elena sits up, the cover falling around her waist and she clutches it. She inhales and holds it as she gingerly lets herself feel whatever might be there and soon wishes she had not. A terrible pain throbs inside her, like a deep lacerating cut that never stops bleeding. She balls her fists, willing herself to regain control but it is like closing a door on a toppling wall, ignoring it doesn't stop it from falling.

_Stop thinking about it! I am fine, nothing hurts and nothing is going to fall. Now get up._

These harsh words ringing her mind she climbs out of Elijah's bed and pauses momentarily when she sees the dress she had left on the floor hanging up on the back of the door. She touches it and then takes her hand away slowly when she sees the blood stains on the fabric. That is why she took it off. She now wears nothing and distractedly finds a shirt to put on. Padding out of his room, her mind furiously blank she moves to the end of the corridor and pauses when she reaches the living room. The room is dimly lit by an aquarium and her eyes fixate on the tropical fish swimming in the huge tank while music plays faintly in the background. The Beatles, she thinks. Her eyes flick to Elijah when he shifts.

He sits on the sofa, watching her. He has discarded his coat and shoes and comfortably rests back with his shirt sleeves rolled up and his legs stretched out before him and crossed at the ankle. She envies his calm. This is not how she usually sees him but it is not the first time either. When he first entered her life he had been more casual, more at ease with himself but since reuniting his family he strides around in suits as if he is running a business. Which he is, she muses.

"Please," he says softly and gestures to the spot on the sofa next to him. She moves over slowly, arms hanging listlessly at her sides and sits. Now that she is so close his proximity has a strange reeling effect on her, leaving her unbalanced. She notes the shallow glass of rum on the table and snatches it quickly, taking a gulp as she sits back. She focuses on the fish, fighting to regain a sense of control while he waits for her to speak.

"I think I'm going mad," she whispers, cradling the glass to her chest.

"Why?"

"I keep seeing Jeremy. I dream about him and I see him when I'm awake. Just glimpses, at the corner of my eye. The last dream," she swallows, eyes staring at nothing, "he asked for my help." The last word catches in her throat and she takes another gulp of the alcohol.

"It was Silas, Elena. You're not going mad," he offers gently and she turns, looking into his eyes for first time.

"I thought so at first but now I'm not so sure. Silas spoke to me and he seemed surprised when I mentioned Jeremy."

Elijah frowns, drawing his legs up and turning towards her. "Silas spoke to you?"

She nods, "After I left the prom. Bonnie was with him. He says that soon he'll be coming for the cure himself." She watches him nod grimly.

"It was only a matter of time. I can't stay here for much longer; I think I need to leave the country to give myself more time. He's not strong enough to follow me yet…" he looks into the distance, going over a plan he must have formed by now.

"Maybe we should just give it to him. I'm tired of fighting," she says in a rough voice and he gazes at her gently.

"Is it starting?"

_Am I cracking is what he means_, Elena thinks scornfully and shakes her head hard. "No! I'm fine," she stresses, placing the glass back on the coffee table. Sitting back she becomes caught up in his knowing look before she can stop herself. Entangled she feels her resolve waver and fists the cushion bellow her, her bare legs starting to shake as she balances them on the tips of her toes. She screws up her face angrily, feeling a flash of resentment at the way he can read and dismantle her. "Leave me alone."

His mouth quirks, "I would but this is my apartment."

She pins his calm eyes with her angry ones. She wants to rip into him, tear down his composure, crack him like she is cracked but he sits there taking in her rage and does nothing. Her anger against such limitless control saps away and she slumps. Her fury is not for him or the way he can open her but for her own denial. She can not pretend and her angry eyes grow tears of frustration.

"I don't want this, I don't want to feel. I can't go through it, not after that," she shakes her head, her body hot and thudding. Inside is a fissure, a crack through which her malignant emotions pour. It is small but awful enough to make her shake. "I don't want to feel weak and that is what emotions are, a weakness," she says with disgust.

He blinks and his lips curl with a sad memory. "Klaus said that to me once, many years ago. Even he has learned that mistake."

"It's not a mistake. After the flip switched I had never felt so free, so purged," she shudders the last word out as he shakes his head sadly.

"You know there is no purge. It's just pushed back and walled off. Your emotions stay and if you leave them long enough they start to grow stagnant, fetid." He tilts his head and regards her tenderly as he reaches up and touches her face. "You are the last person I want that to happen to."

Elena shakes her head, tears in her eyes and leans instinctively into his touch. "But it's too much." She can sense it, the wall holding back the furious cascade of her emotions. Though standing it is so fragile that one hard push will make it fall and shatter. She has to be careful because being alone and dealing with the fallout is not an option.

"You're not weak for being scared. You're one of the bravest people I have ever met."

"I don't feel very brave."

"That's the point, brave people never do."

Elena exhales, lost in the supporting look in his eyes and leans forward. She glides her cheek against his, feeling the slight burn of his stubble and wraps her arms around his neck. He responds to her at once, twisting his body so he can gather her into his arms. She brings her knees up and his hand glides against her leg as she shuffles close to him, until she is almost covering him. There is nothing deliberate about her movements, only someone giving into the primal need to be comforted. She sighs, closing her eyes and just senses the things that are immediate. The clean smell of his shirt against her cheek, the way his chest rises and falls slowly, the odd beat of his heart. He threads her hair through his fingers, humming something under his breath and Elena lets it fill her mind. She is still at the edge but no longer scrabbling for purchase. She feels a thin burning hot vein that she can not wish away. But as she quietly contemplates this she senses something else, something tender hidden behind all the hurt and denial.

_I love him._

She opens her eyes, blinking and stares at the aquarium as he bends down and inhales the scent of her hair. She floats in this idea, too small and fragile to be accepted and lets it alone. A soft, delicate smile grows on her lips, one she has no control over and she bites her lip to stop it. She lifts her head once she is sure her features are blank and stares at him. He gazes at her patiently, accepting her vacant look and smiles at her. All her attempts to be passive falter and she leans forward again, only stopping herself when her lips are inches away.

_But he loves someone else._

He blinks at the sadness that suddenly wells up in her eyes and follows her when she moves back, as if magnetised to her. His fingers cup her face and tangle in her hair, his eyes now full of yearning and with a sharp inhale he moves his lips to hers but Elena throws her head back, offering him her throat instead. He growls, his lips pressing against her skin as his hands fist her hair. She is straddling him now and he crushes her body against his as she runs her hands through his hair, letting a wave of lust carry her before she clamps down on it. Elena stares up at the ceiling, her gaze hot and reproachful.

"I refuse to be a stand-in," she says harshly and detangles herself from him, getting to her feet. He sits up and grabs her hands and she stays looking down at him, both breathing hard.

"You are not, oh you have no idea," he says, looking upwards for a moment. When he looks back down there is a small smile on his face. "You're right, I am an idiot."

"Well at least you're making progress," she jokes and manages to smile weakly in return. He stands up and cups her face.

"You were unapproachable, I made you that way, in here," he taps his temple and Elena frowns at him. Her confusion does not last long because she does not care to ponder it. Her fragile dam is steadily icing over and the small, tender love she discovered freezes. If she feels love then she has to feel everything else and she can not risk that. She wishes to be ice, hard and clear. Nothing will get out and nothing will get in. She can not drown in something that will never thaw.

"I'd like to stay here the night, your sister seems to be conspiring with Stefan to try to change me. I'll take the guest room so you can sleep alone." She steps back, her face once again impassive and Elijah stares at her with a tired resignation as she walks away.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_Mmmm, angst. It's not going to be easy to get through to her. _

_Next chapter may be in a few days, not sure. Thank you to those reading and leaving reviews! :)_


	6. Chapter 6

She leaves at dawn. He can hear her moving to the front door, opening and closing it quietly. He stares at her prom dress still hanging on the back of his bedroom door, wondering faintly what she is wearing. She had slept in nothing but one of his shirts.

_Fearless enough to venture outside half dressed but not enough to come in here. Except maybe it's not that, maybe she just doesn't care enough to see me._

He looks up at the ceiling, noting the gradual shift in light as the sun rises before staring at the empty pillow beside his head. He had been close, so very close to giving in and knew that he could be waking up with her beside him if he had. Except she had rejected him. The mistaken kiss in the gazebo had sparked something in him he wanted to be kept still and inactive but after the kiss last night he had been defenceless to it. For some time now he has been unknowingly deluding himself. The things that he felt for Elena were platonic at best, smitten at worst. Certainly nothing that could faze him or make him reckless. Except that proved untrue and it is the evidence of his actions towards her that highlight his self deception.

_She is so young but so aged by tragedy. My presence in her life was just another obstacle, though we tried to act as civilly as possible. She had no interest in me, none whatsoever and if she saw the opposite in me? She never gave an inkling of it. Until now._

He sighs, getting up from bed and heads into the bathroom for a shower. He had used Katherine as a substitute and not even realised it, using her to give into what he could not with Elena. Oh he had tried to grab onto what he had once felt, wishing her to be someone she is not. There is a shame in that, no matter what she has done and how much he distrusts her. He is not one to dissemble his feelings; he likes to think he has a firm grasp on his own mind and wants. His feelings for Elena were unheeded and unacted upon and that was just as he wished them to be. He would never truly pursue any woman without a sign of reciprocation, though he is no stranger to wooing if it suits his mood. No she was out of reach, even without the Salvatores. Relationships with humans have always been fleeting, it is unavoidable and while he enjoys it while it lasts he avoids it when possible.

But now she is like him, now she has made her interest clear. She had rejected him, emotionally, but if he had come to her last night he feels she would have received him in her bed. Sex, nothing more. But he wants more, he wants her in whatever state she is in, he has no power to do anything less. He loves her and has for some time…but she believes he does not and is only using her in place of the real thing. She _is_ the real thing. Last night she had stared at him with an eerie emptiness after turning herself away from his kiss but her indifference had been forced. She had been scared and pushed him away. Even telling her the truth about his feelings may be futile, she may have got to the point where she does not let herself care enough to believe it.

_It is hopeless, _he thinks as he walks down the corridor, buttoning his shirt.

"Oh, don't give up hope; it's what keeps us all going," a man's voice says and Elijah freezes.

* * *

She walks down residential streets, the oversized shirt flapping against her bare legs as a gentle wind picks up. The sun shines through white sheets that someone has pegged up in their back garden and Elena spots a pair of thongs that might fit her feet. She is too troubled to be concerned with her appearance and walks in a daze.

She has no one any more. Damon and Stefan want to control her and have likely webbed Rebekah into their plot. She had tried to kill Caroline so she is no longer a friend. Bonnie is under the sway of Silas.

_Matt?_

She considers her last human friend but gently rejects him. It seems unfair to visit her woes on him, he has enough of his own.

_Guess I do care_, she thinks mirthlessly and pauses. _I really don't have another option. I've even driven away the one person who seems to care for me, god knows why._

Thinking of Elijah makes the events of the night before resurface and she flinches away from it. She had felt fortified walking away from his embrace last night, as if she had won a victory but as she laid in bed her cold resolve started to melt. As the hours ticked by she yearned for him to come to her but her rejection must have had an effect because he did not.

_As if he would. Maybe what I said made him realise the truth. He is too noble to continue to use me as a replacement and I don't want to be one. Being alone is better, that way I can't get hurt. I can give myself time for the dam to harden, the switch to freeze until absolutely nothing touches me. Only hunger, thrill and lust…I sound like Katherine._

She stops, her last thought a blockade. She balls her fists up, her face growing harsh with denial. As she battles with this she glances to her left and any thought and feeling is obliterated,

It is her house.

The fire has not left scorched earth and ashes; the building is still standing. The insides are gutted, the hollow windows offering views of ashen walls but the upper story is still amazingly intact. Her neighbours must have called the fire brigade at once and they saved what she sees now. She thought her house had been totally destroyed and even more she wanted it to be. She wanted the fire to burn until there was nothing left. No beds, no chairs, no pictures, no books. No memories, no life, no Jeremy. Instead what she sees before her is salvageable, with hard work it could be lived in again.

The effect of seeing her home is devastating. A savage rage bursts through her and she bares her teeth and begins to scream and curse at the sooty house, screaming at it to fall, to collapse in on itself until it is just rubble. She wants to stamp on it, dance in the ashes but soon this fury burns out until she is panting and her eyes begin to sting.

"No, no, no. This is not happening. I refuse, I don't care, I don't care, don't — don't — don't…" she cannot continue and falls to her knees, trying furiously to keep herself together before it is too late.

* * *

Standing next to the fish tank Silas smiles politely at Elijah, as if a little embarrassed for inconveniencing him. Elijah looks over Silas once before staring into his eyes with a calm confidence. He walks into the living room and stops a few feet away.

"You're not real," he says quietly and Silas cocks his head.

"I'm not? Are you sure?"

"No heartbeat," Elijah says and Silas nods, lowering his head with a smile at being caught. When he looks up his eyes gleam with a friendly amusement.

"You are perceptive. I'm glad, it makes what is to follow easier." He taps the fish tank gently, rousing the sleepy tropical fish inside. Elijah sits on the corner of his desk, looking completely at ease.

"I don't have the cure here."

"I know, this is just a social call. Well, another one," he says, eyeing the corsage that Elena has left on his coffee table. For the first time Elijah shows signs of unease, a slight clenching of his jaw.

"Where is she?"

"Oh, she's safe." Silas straightens from his gazing at the tank and stares at Elijah steadily. "Give me the cure and she will continue to be." He sighs in mild annoyance at the coldness in Elijah's eyes. "You know once I am mortal again I will be a witch. Before I die I can make Rebekah human if that is what she wishes, she has no need of the cure. All this fighting and hiding is pointless, I have no quarrel with you." He says sincerely while Elijah takes a pen from the desk. He rolls it between his fingers as he speaks.

"You know my brother Kol feared no one and it made him reckless, arrogantly so. He went through life with no cares and no worries. But you," he looks up, eyes blazing, "you he feared."

Silas smiles thinly, a little irritated. "Yes, fairy tales to scare the monsters. It's propaganda. Of course those witches have taught others to fear me; they don't want the veil to come down. Witches should draw their power from the earth, from creation but now so many draw their power from the spirits, if they move on the witches here lose it. The other side is not just a prison, it is a depository." He says and for the first time he seems impassioned. Elijah stops twirling the pen.

"You would say anything to get the cure."

"Believe what you want. Your brother, and many others that you have lost, will be here once I have died, whether they feared me or not." He stares at Elijah hopefully. "Will you give me the cure?"

"No," Elijah says and stands straight, every line of his body taut.

"Then I am sorry, you've forced my hand. If you deny me what I want I will torture the woman you love until she begs for death, just as my love was taken from me. But who am I speaking of?" he smiles cruelly and disappears, leaving Elijah to race for the door.

* * *

The pain she had felt at the prom is nothing compared to this, a grain of sand next to a sun. It swells and swells with every memory, every emotion. She had set her brother's body on fire; he has not even had a funeral. No memorials, no events to mark his passing, no mourning. She has not cared, she has not cared that her little brother is dead and it is all her fault.

On her knees, she wraps her arms around her waist, as if trying to contain the wailing grief that wants to explode out of her. She pulls in a ragged breath and it turns into a keening noise that goes on and on. Her face red she grabs fistfuls of grass under her, her last attempt at resistance but it is futile. She is helpless against the surge of guilt, every nasty comment, thought or action stabbing her. Attempting to kill Caroline, rebuffing Damon and Stefan, ignoring Bonnie, killing Kol.

_Kol. I used Jeremy like a weapon. I killed thousands; thousands are dead because of me. Someone's daughter, son, wife, husband, mother is dead because I needed them to be. They all died for nothing._

"Oh god, please, please, stop, just stop," she groans, closing her eyes but the torment is unrelenting. She sees her father floating in the water with her, mouthing that he loves her and in that one awful memory she finds a glimmer of peace as she accepts death. But it is gone, washed away by more and more suffering. Hot tears spill from her eyes and she rocks back and forth, more alone then she has ever felt. What is worse is that she knows this is just a taste, the switch is not even off but the cracks in the wall are unfixable now and it is only a matter of time before she is suffocated by the deluge to come.

Gentle hands grip her shoulders and she feels a flash of hope. Elijah? She looks up to see Silas staring down at her sadly. He gets on his knees and gazes into her eyes.

"I'm very sorry for this."

"For what?" she chokes out and then stiffens when he cups her face and the dam in her mind bursts. Elena's eyes roll back, her mind going blank as she falls.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_Dundunduh, what happens next?! You'll find out in a few days._


	7. Chapter 7

Slowly the light seeps through her eyelids, waking her. She twitches her nose, dust inhaled with every breath and opens her eyes, blinking against the sunshine. She is curled up on the floor of a large, strange room, one decrepit with age and falling to bits. Beside her is a cast iron bed and with a groan she sits up, pulling on the musty cover on the mattress. Dust is lying everywhere, she can see it suspended in a sunbeam that shines through a massive arched window. The light bathes the room down the middle, from ceiling to floor and effectively halves the space. Apart from that one, large ray of sunshine the rest of the room is badly lit, shadows in every corner. She sits in shade, apparently placed away from the light. Elena frowns, hand going to her head. She had been outside her house, crying, when a man had spoken to her. She cannot quite grasp what made her upset, or how she came to be here. She squints, trying to remember when a sibilant sound comes faintly to mind.

_Silas_

She immediately stiffens and gets shakily to her feet. He must have kidnapped her, taken her to this room. Fear creeps through her, starting in the pit of her stomach with a horrible prickling feeling but Elena balls her fists and keeps it contained. She has to get out, nothing else matters. Licking her lips she moves towards the door but then freezes when something glinting catches her eyes. Resting on the floor, directly in the beam of sunlight, is a ring.

She runs a thumb over her finger where her ring should be and her stomach plummets. It is gone. She brings her hand up before her face but it is undeniable. Silas has taken her daywalking ring off and placed it in the shaft of sunlight. Elena moves back into the shadows, now looking at the light with dread. She hastily stares around for anything to cover herself with and grabs the cover off the bed and throws it around herself in a wake of dust. She looks around for anything to help her reach the ring but there is nothing. She cannot throw the blanket over the ring and drag it back to her, it is not long enough. Even with the shelter she could still go up in flames, as her birth mother had. Young vampires go up like dry kindling, or so she has heard.

"Damn it!" She throws the blanket to her feet and paces up and down in her dark corner of the room, eyeing the sunlight with hatred. She has never had to deal with this inconvenience before, she has always had a ring to protect her from the UV rays but now she has pity for the vampires throughout the centuries who have had to lead nocturnal lives. She stares at the door through the light and clenches her jaw. She is not going to wait for Silas to come back and inflict god knows what on her; she'll burn before that happens.

She wraps the blanket around her again and with a deep breath she runs with a burst of great speed, rushing into the light. She can feel it through the thin fabric, warm and persistent but not burning. She leaps onto her ring; her bare hand bathed in sunlight and snatches it back, the ring safe in her palm. She stills, looking at her hand that by rights should be burned but it is undamaged. Elena remains kneeling on the floorboards and lifts her head, looking at the shadow she is casting and with a wince she reaches out a trembling hand into the daylight. Her skin glows warmly and she feels no pain. Breath held in her throat she slowly lets the blanket fall to her shoulders and looks at the window where a clear blue sky can be seen.

The sun has no effect on her. She stands, a jittery happiness growing inside. She has not been denied the sun but she has been fearful of it, knowing that during the day she is utterly reliant on her ring. She looks down at it in her palm and the topaz glints for a moment. Soon Elena's smile begins to fade as two thoughts come into mind.

_This is impossible; I am not immune to the sun. This is Silas. _

She hastily walks to the door, slipping her ring back on. As she does another realisation hits her, far harder then the one before. Her humanity is back, she has been experiencing emotions far stronger than she has in weeks. She reaches the door, gripping the handle and closes her eyes. She remembers something exploding outwards and screaming. Pain. The memory of this brings something in its wake, something massive and awful and Elena shies away from it.

_What has happened? What's he done to me?_

Elena forces herself to open her eyes and walk through the door. As she reaches the landing she runs down the ornate, damaged staircase and the light behind her remains perfectly still, never shifting, never changing. She reaches the front doors and twists the handle, pulling with all her strength but the doors will not open. She stands back and boots at the door with her heel but it doesn't even rattle. Trying to ignore a spike of panic Elena attacks a window, throwing a solid wood coat-stand at it but it only bounces back. She moves to the window, which is pasted with yellowing newspaper, and runs her hands over the pane. There is not even a crack. Elena steps back, staring around helplessly and finally lets the panic gnaw at her. She is trapped.

"I'm afraid so."

Elena spins around to see Silas standing on the stairs and she finally realises where she is. It is the mansion that Rose and Trevor held her captive in, the place where she first met Elijah.

"Why am I here?"

"Oh I thought it would be fitting." Silas smiles and comes down a step. Elena watches him intensely, frightened but defiant.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Elijah denied me what's mine. So I've taken you to pressure him into giving me the cure."

"What makes you think that will happen?" She frowns, arms going around her waist.

"Because he loves you."

Though she is scared she manages to scoff. "You got the wrong doppelgänger."

"Have I? Well I guess we'll find out, won't we?" He comes to the bottom of the staircase and his sinister bemusement shifts into something sorrowful. "I'm sorry but you're going to wait a very, very long time to see if I am right."

He disappears, leaving his regretful announcement hanging in the air. Elena looks behind her at the front door and then the rooms to her right and left. The house is massive and desolate and Elena has never felt so alone. She inhales and begins to run, searching for a way out. She bolts through doorless arches, into rooms more ruined and dirty then the one before and only finds dust and cobwebs. She searches through basements and attics where no light shines, holding her breath as her heart thuds. She bangs against windows and walls with her fists, making the plaster and old paint fleck around her until her hair grows white with powder. She shouts and screams until her voice grows hoarse, until all she can do is whisper and plead. After what feels like hours or days her feet begin to drag, her panic and resolve starting to wind down into a sense of acceptance. She has searched every corner of the house, every cupboard and prised up floorboards but there is no way out.

She drops onto a musty lover's couch, staring at the place where Elijah had beheaded a vampire aeons ago and finally lets herself cry. They are tears of frustration and fear but soon the sobs start to wrack her, twisting her insides until she cannot breathe. All the running to free herself, all the attempts at escape have blinded her to the truth. Her brother is dead and she can do nothing to avert the grief or pretend it does not matter. In this place she has nowhere left to run, no possible way to contain her emotions and now she must face it alone. A wave of despair crashes down on her and she is utterly submerged.

* * *

Tires screech against asphalt as the car comes to a sudden stop, a few feet from the fire damaged house. Whispering a long forgotten prayer in a dead language Elijah gets out of his car and rushes forward. Kneeling in the grass before her house is Elena, her back to him. With a crawling dread he slowly moves around to face her and feels his heart stop.

"Elena?"

She remains silent and does not look at him when he drops to his knees before her. Brown eyes stare into the distance, seeing nothing and when Elijah gently touches her face she does not stir. She breathes very slowly and he can hear her heartbeat but those are the only signs that she still lives. She is catatonic. He gazes at her miserably, taking her hands in his but she remains unresponsive. He leans forward and kisses her forehead tenderly and leans back, staring into her blank eyes. There is nothing, she is gone.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, shaking his head, unable to look at her vacant gaze any longer. He places his arms around Elena's back and legs and lifts her into his arms before carrying her to his car. Her body is compliant, not stiff and it makes him want to scream. She is this way because of him, because he refused Silas. And for what? Clenching his jaw he settles her onto the passenger seat, starting to breathe heavily as he battles to control his fury and guilt. Through this turmoil of emotions one thought blazes clear: he will give the cure to Silas and make sure his death is a long and painful one.

* * *

As he enters his apartment he senses something wrong immediately but is too preoccupied with Elena to care. He sets her down on the sofa where she settles into a relaxed sitting posture, head tilted as she stares ahead. He gazes down at her, fists clenched at his sides but suddenly snaps his head to the side as a man comes up behind him. In a blink he pins the man to a wall by his neck and would have snapped his spine had the man not lifted his leg and kicked. It is enough to make Elijah stagger back but not enough to let go. The intruder has a stake pointed at his heart and Elijah growls, flicking his eyes upwards.

"You have three seconds to explain and then I will snap your neck."

"Well that's not fair, now is it?" He croaks, Scottish accent discernible even though he is being strangled. Elijah narrows his eyes.

"You're that hunter Rebekah told me about."

"Galen Vaughn. I — I came here to talk."

"You came here to steal," Elijah snarls, staring into the man's eyes and with a noise of contempt removes his hand and steps back. Vaughn slumps against the wall, hand going to his neck.

"If the cure was here I would have — would have taken it already," he wheezes but straightens. If he was human he would be out for the count. Elijah turns his back and moves to Elena who has not stirred once throughout the attack. Elijah sits on the coffee table before her, completely unconcerned with the hunter at his back.

"I have no fight with you; I have larger fish to fry. Just tell me where the cure is and you'll never have to see me again."

"Oh, wouldn't that be a fine thing?"

Vaughn turns, surprised, as Rebekah hits him bone crushingly hard over the head. Vaughn tumbles to the ground and Rebekah hits him once more for good luck. She straightens, sighing with a smile but her happy victory drops like a weight at the sight of Elijah's white face.

"What's the matter?" she hurries to him, gripping his shoulder and then follows his gaze towards Elena. She blinks, not understanding what she is seeing. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's catatonic. I think the dam came down and she has retreated into her mind…or been trapped there. I refused Silas the cure and he must have gone after her. I did this," the last word hitches and he covers his mouth with his hand. Rebekah stares at her eldest brother with surprise that slowly turns into a pitying realisation.

"Elijah, I never truly guessed how much she meant to you...This wasn't your fault," Rebekah says firmly, making him look at her. "Silas would have gone after all of us."

"No, this could have been avoided if hadn't been so arrogant," he says with self reproach before looking up at her. "He is too powerful; I can't defeat him on my own."

"Brother, whatever made you think you were on your own? You have me and you have Klaus." She kisses his cheek and he hugs her tight for a moment before standing. He clears his throat and straightens his shirt, eyeing the knocked out hunter on the floor.

"Tie him up and keep an eye on him."

"Why? What are you going to do?" she asks, watching as he picks Elena up into his arms and moves toward his bedroom.

"I'm going to get her back."


	8. Chapter 8

She lies on his bed, empty eyes staring up at the ceiling. He pulls up an armchair beside the bed and bends over her, brushing her hair away from her forehead before trailing the back of his fingers down her cheek. He has entered the mind of sleepers many times, viewed and manipulated their dreams, sometimes for good mostly for ill. He has not had much success entering the mind of catatonics; the result is usually confusing or sometimes leads to nothing at all. Failure is not acceptable, not now.

He sits back, inhaling and reaches for her hand. Her skin is cold and he squeezes her fingers gently, offering her warmth. After a lingering look at her face Elijah closes his eyes and relaxes, willing his mind to go blank and his breathing and heart rate to slow, matching hers until they are in complete sync. On the cusp of sleep he brushes against her mind and finds an obstruction. Dreamers concoct misty, insubstantial fantasies that are easy to penetrate but with Elena something quite different is happening. There is a depth he has not anticipated, layer upon layer of visions and memories formed around her mind. From the outside she is numb; there is no sign to how alive her mind is. It is a good sign, if peculiar. Elijah lets his consciousness soak into hers gently, his presence almost inconspicuous but he has to use a great force of will to reach the last layer until he enters where she should be.

* * *

The first sensation he experiences is déjà-vu, staring at the staircase and up at the paper covered windows in front of him. He has been in this mansion before. The light is defused and the air is still, unnaturally so. A dank, gloomy atmosphere permeates everything. He stands for a few seconds, getting his bearings before stepping forward. As with entering any mind there is a rejection of him being there, he is something alien and he finds that something obdurate is blocking his way. He moves forward again and the obstruction becomes malleable until he can walk freely.

"Elena?" His voice is hushed and echoes oddly. He starts to climb the steps, letting his fingers glide along the banister. Everything feels so real.

_I want the girl on the count of three or heads will roll…_

Elijah turns at the sound of the voice, _his_ voice and narrows his eyes. To think that his threat, all those months ago, still rings true. He wants her and a certain head will roll. He reaches the top of the stairs and movement catches his eye above him, something dark darting away. He calls her name again, poised for any signs of movement as he walks down a dimly lit hallway. As he turns a corner something barrels into him with unmanageable strength and he slams against a wall. A face pushes into his, teeth fanged and eyes dark with violence. She snarls at him, hair a wild dark cloud and Elijah grabs her, alarm and relief flooding through him.

"Elena!"

"I'm going to kill you for this!" She hisses again, lunging forward and he has to push her away, hands on her shoulders. While he outmatches her for strength when awake here it is quite different.

"It's me Elena, it's Elijah."

She blinks, her eyes fading to brown but she still bares her teeth at him. "It's another trick," she says uncertainly. Elijah cups her face while her fingers dig into his arms.

"No trick."

"Silas can look like anyone, he can look like you or Jeremy or my mom," her voice is harsh, like steel and Elijah stares into her eyes unflinchingly. He can only imagine what experiences she is drawing from.

"What's the last thing you remember? Before you got here?"

She looks at him suspiciously before screwing her face up as she tries to remember. "I was outside my house and Silas appeared. He made the dam come down," she says and her voice is firm, only a flicker of sorrow entering her eyes. Elijah cocks his head, gazing deep into her eyes.

"Your humanity is back, all the memories and emotions?"

"Yes, why?"

He opens his mouth and closes it, not sure how to phrase it. "I thought you would be more…"

Elena quirks a smile at his attempt to be delicate. "Crazy? You got here a little late for that," she says dryly, looking down the corridor. When she looks back her eyes are glossy. "Is it really you?"

"Yes," he breathes and she exhales a shaky breath, tears welling up in her eyes. With a noise of relief she throws herself forward and he catches her in his arms, holding her tight. Her relief is so strong that she pulls him down to the floor, unable to stand. He follows her down, never letting go of her and rests his back against the wall.

"I never thought I would see you again, see _anyone_ again," she chokes out, her voice guttural. Elijah wipes the tears from her cheeks and stares into her eyes, an awful suspicion on his tongue.

"How long have you been here?"

She sniffs, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. She hesitates before answering, her eyes flicking from side to side. "I dunno, it feels like months, time is different here. Why?"

There is a deliberation about her answer and he feels that it is not something to push, not yet. Elena frowns at the sorrow on his face, something that he cannot keep at bay. He brushes her hair away from her eyes, not wanting to say but she pushes against him with her body, demanding.

"I only found you this morning. It's been a day," he breaks to her gently.

"A day?" She blinks rapidly, frowning greatly before she smiles. "That's impossible; I've been here for months, maybe even longer!" She stares into the distance, features harsh with denial and Elijah pulls her against him, chin resting against the top of her head as he stares into the distance sorrowfully.

"You're in my apartment now, you're catatonic…Silas went after you because I denied him what he wanted." He places a hand against her cheek, thumb brushing her skin. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have delayed acting."

Elena moves her head back and tilts it at his obvious self loathing, something she has never seen before. "You didn't do this, Silas did. I know this isn't real but after awhile I stopped trying to find a way out. How can I escape from my own mind?"

"I'm going to get you out," he says with a quiet certainty but Elena shakes her head.

"There's no way, I've tied everything. I'm stuck here." She sounds almost as if she doesn't mind and Elijah looks at her in confusion. Elena shrugs, averting her eyes. "Everything came out here, I had no way to contain my emotions or not care about the things I had done. I did terrible things in the name of family and then I didn't even have that excuse…" she loses focus, her eyes haunted. Elijah narrows his eyes at her.

"You think you deserve to be here, don't you?"

"Murderers are sent to jail; even die for the crimes they commit. I'm no different. I killed to live, for the blood, for Jeremy but I also killed to prove a point. My acts are punishable; my hands are bloodstained." She explains simply and he can see she honestly believes every word. Elijah gazes at her for some time in silence before speaking, choosing his words carefully.

"I understand that you've had to rationalise your place here, make sense of it. I've acted as you have in past, sequestered away in atonement for the awful things I had done. We have no law enforcement; no company will punish us for the atrocities we inflict. We are our own jury, judge and executioner. I believe that it is possible to live without causing unwarranted bloodshed but, as you have first hand experience of, it is a lesson I am still learning after a thousand years. But this," he looks around with revulsion, "this has been forced upon you. This is just torment without end and no hope for anything more."

Elena says nothing, just stares at him softly but Elijah thinks his words have made an impression. She gets to her feet and pulls him up with her and he suddenly finds himself in a bedroom. Unlike the rest of the house this room is clean and orderly. Piles of books are everywhere but even so he wonders how she has stayed sane. Elena sits on the end of the bed, watching him and there is hope in her eyes.

"How can I get out of here?"

"If I can come in you must be able to get out. Ultimately the decision may rest with you." If Silas has complete sway over her mind he would not have been able to reach her at all. She may have more power then she realises.

"I need to wake up?" she asks with a faint smile and he nods, standing before her. As he reaches down to touch her face a strange noise breaks into the silence, distorted and far away. They look up as it gets louder.

_Elijah…Elijah! He's awake!_

The voice is unmistakably Rebekah's and he can feel himself being drawn away. Elena jumps up from the bed, panic in her eyes as she grabs his hand.

"Don't leave me!"

"I'll return, I promise," he says urgently and kisses the corner of her mouth as she wraps him in her arms, as if to keep him there. Surprisingly there is a resistance, a weight that enforces on him but it is gone within seconds. The feel of her body against his fades away as he begins to wake. He has one lasting vestige of her face before he opens his eyes.

* * *

Rebekah watches her brother blink awake and immediately straighten. He gazes at Elena and the look he gives her makes Rebekah's hair stand on end. She has suspected for some time that Elijah feels something more then just admiration for Elena. The fact that he left once, so guilty and distressed, because of the way he had threatened her made Rebekah's suspicions a reality. The next time Elijah spoke to Elena he had placed her well-being over that of his family, who would have been hunted by a monster of their mother's creation for possibly centuries. Elijah's choice had been something unprecedented. Rebekah went back on his word; she would not run and put her siblings under such threat for anyone's sake, let alone Elena's. Oh she feels some pity and a strange misplaced camaraderie with the girl but her family comes first. Elijah, it seems, continues to think differently.

He lets go of Elena's hand gently and gets to his feet, angrier then Rebekah can remember seeing him. Klaus can snap at a moments notice, as she can, but Elijah has always been glacial slow to anger but when he is roused it is terrifying. His rage is quiet and cold and can last for years, so you never know when he will act on it. Klaus is the most feared of the Originals but that is only because Elijah has such control over his nature.

"Were you successful?" She asks gently as she follows him from the room, looking back at Elena. The young vampire still stares unblinkingly upwards; there is not a flicker of life.

"Yes, I was able to reach her. Silas has convinced her that months have passed, possibly years," his nostrils flare as he turns to his sister and his teeth grind. "She is trapped and waiting."

Rebekah shakes her head at what she hears, "Silas has to be stopped before he goes after anyone else. He won't just stop at Elena."

"I know." He looks down, greatly troubled. Rebekah smiles softly.

"Oh stop deliberating, just do it," she says and Elijah lifts his head.

"And if you lose the chance of being mortal in the process?"

"Then I lose it. I am over a thousand years old, if I can't take disappointments gracefully by now then there is no hope for me," she jokes but her heart breaks. No one truly sees how much being human means to her, to live an allotted time and die, leaving behind remnants of herself in her children. It may be a quixotic notion but it is hers. Elijah draws her into a hug and she smiles sadly against his shoulder.

"How touching," a drawling voice says and the siblings break apart to see Vaughn staring at them, struggling against his bonds. Rebekah moves over to him, smirking.

"Don't try to escape sweetheart, it's pointless. I tied those ropes myself."

"Got a merit badge to prove it too?" he sneers and then becomes still when Elijah walks over to him and bends down to stare into his eyes. The bravado drips off him at the look in the vampire's eyes.

"We both want Silas dead and to that end I am willing to work with you. Both knowing fully well that if he dies the veil will fall and the dead will walk the earth. Having said that if you so much as cross any of my family again I will rip you to pieces and mail it to your family."

Elijah straightens and walks back into his bedroom, closing the door quietly. Rebekah and Vaughn stare at each other, both just as startled.

"Someone's in a bad mood," Vaughn says finally, eyebrow rising.

"You have no idea. Now then, why don't I see about making you more comfortable," she says, approaching him with a bright smile that has the Scotsman immediately on edge.

* * *

_a.n:_

_So there should be three more chapters to come, four at the most. I'm working on the next chapter now and trying to finalise the end._


	9. Chapter 9

It is always day there, the sun never moving from its zenith. At first she had taken advantage of it, letting the sun play over her skin and basking in it but as the time came for dusk, alerted by some internal clock inside, and it did not arrive she came to find the light perverse. She is, allegedly at least, a creature of the night stuck in the persistent light of day. The gloom of the mansion soon became a relief, as people living in some Arctic places must feel when blocking the midnight sun. She creates her night and day and Elijah watches her pulling an old door away from a window, letting the light stream into the room.

"Try it," she says, gesturing to the ring on his finger. He looks down at his hand and his jaw sets at a funny angle. Elena almost laughs at his reluctance but then he has lived with this obstacle a lot longer then she has. She moves over to sit on a window seat, the view obscured by years of grime. Even if the windows were sparkling clean there probably wouldn't be anything to see.

Elijah had appeared as she slept and she had been momentarily disorientated, for a moment not knowing what was real or not. But soon she grasped her bearings on the familiar surroundings and relaxed. She is sick of the place but at least she is no longer alone. She has had a long time to think, to grieve and mourn but also to pursue other thoughts. The way she acted towards Damon and Stefan, her conflicting feelings of guilt and righteousness towards their influence over her life. She has thought almost none stop of her friends, of Bonnie who she grew to neglect almost without realising, to Caroline who she had actively tried to kill. She had been jealous, seeing her friend bloom into someone content despite the hardships she had endured, at her growing closeness to Stefan. She thought persistently of her family and Jeremy, of the events that lead up to his death, her part in it and the blame she feels because of that. Nothing anyone can say can convince her that she is not responsible for his death. She may not have forced him onto Silas or snapped his neck but she might as well have. She mourns the life he could have lead and feels a small reconcilement that he has some sort of peace now.

These thoughts and realisations she shares with Elijah, who does not speak or pass judgement on her, just sits quietly and listens. A lack of humanity had bestowed a sense of brutal honesty and it is something she retains, keeping nothing back to spare her feelings or his. However when her thoughts turn to the present and the man beside her Elena finds her words halting. He gazes at her openly, just waiting for whatever else she needs to divulge but when she does not he clears his throat.

"You have had time and space to mourn but I can't say the same will be true when you wake," he says gently, speaking for the first time in what feels like hours. She cannot keep her eyes off him, savouring the sound of his voice and his proximity to her. She has always trusted him, despite the betrayals and more. It is something that has perplexed in the past but now it is quite simple. She loves him. She has had ample time to figure out her feelings and that small fragile love that she tried so hard to freeze just became more and more abundant. It is that love, amongst the many others she harbours, that has kept her strong. But this truth and acceptance is marred by a deep regret.

"I'm sorry," she starts slowly, eyes never leaving his, "I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you. It looked like I didn't care but I do, more then I can say," she finishes gently and he says nothing, just averts his eyes away. She doesn't know what to expect, for him to be angry or for him to forgive her. His forgiveness is something he has already granted but she could not express her sorrow at what she had done before, he had only seen indifference that bordered on callousness. This may be her only chance to rectify that, forgiveness or not.

"I want to show you something," he says abruptly, moving to stand but Elena grabs his hand and he stares down at her.

"What I did before, at the prom, I —"

He interrupts her by placing his finger on her lips and Elena grows silent, relieved to see a sparkle of bemusement in his eyes. He pulls her up and makes her turn to face the window, his hands gentle.

"Close your eyes, I want to show you something."

Elena smiles, "Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?"

"Please?"

Still smiling Elena closes her eyes, hyperaware of his body behind her and his fingers resting on her shoulders. She inhales and slowly becomes aware of a change, a subtle shift in the light over her closed eyelids. It is getting darker. She inhales again and this time she smells not dust and sunshine but beeswax, mint and tea. He whispers for her to open her eyes and she does.

Stars cluster a night sky, more then she has ever seen in her life. They burn above her, perfectly detailed and fine as can only be discerned with vampire eyes. She has been denied the night sky for so long that it has a powerful effect on her. For such an ordinary thing it is so taken for granted. She turns to him, tearing her gaze away and grins with gratitude.

"How?"

"It's a memory. This is England, Lyme Regis. 1817, if I remember correctly," he explains, obviously pleased at her joyous reaction.

Elena holds back for a beat before wrapping her arms around his neck and exhaling a shaky breath. She relishes the way he feels in her arms, the intimacy of another person who can still remember the way a night sky looked hundreds of years before. She pulls back, gazing at his face and the shame she had wanted to confess reappears. It needs to be said, she needs to get it out.

"I feel embarrassed about the way I acted with you," she says, placing her hands on his shoulders. She stares intently into his eyes. "I was…conflicted, about you and Katherine. I felt resentful, if that even makes sense. I was just tired of being this face and all the baggage that comes with it, tired of people working out or transferring their feelings for someone else onto me."

He narrows his eyes, "You think I was one of those people?"

"Well, yeah. Can you deny it?"

"Yes, quite easily actually."

Elena blinks in confusion. "But I know you don't —"

She is interrupted, quite suddenly, by a forceful kiss. Their last kiss had been just as fierce but pulled taut by his reluctance to give in. This kiss suffers no such hindrance. He seems to pour everything into it: his passion, tenderness and his love, all denied from both for far longer then she could have guessed. She deepens the kiss when he parts her mouth, hands gripping his hair as they stumble back, made clumsy by their lust. He wraps his arms around her back, bending her over in his need and Elena feels a deep ongoing throb of arousal at the way he groans into her mouth. The back of her legs hit something soft and she pulls her head back, looking down at the Regency era bed and lets her head fall back when his hand glides down to pull her leg up, spreading her thighs. But before he can push her down a flare of alarm ring inside her, making her grow stiff.

"What is it?" he asks, voice husky and Elena cups his face.

"Someone else is here," she whispers and with great reluctance she pushes him away so she can stand. If he is similarly annoyed he does not show it but sweeps the room with his eyes, on full alert. He gazes at her intensely.

"Before you saw or heard me were you aware I was there?"

"I knew someone was there," she says, the alarm growing into panic. It was close, the intruder.

"Elena, listen to me," he says urgently, cupping her face. "This is your mind, nothing can change that. It doesn't matter if beings who are thousands of years old seem to hold sway. It's a delusion. You have power here, no one else."

Elena shakes her head, unable to believe. "How can that be true?"

"Believe it," he says with conviction, taking her hand and steps to her side when Silas opens the door to the room and walks in.

"There you are," he says and looks around the Georgian room. "Redecorating? You're powerful," he admits to Elijah who smiles thinly and shrugs.

"I have a few tricks." The smile on his face drops and he regards Silas with a calm, ice cold animosity. "I will exchange the cure for Elena. Restore her."

Elena looks between them, quietly confused. Not a few seconds ago he had been praising the inner power she wields and now they are talking about her as if she has no say. She stares at Elijah, knowing that he does not say what he does not believe. Unlike the Salvatore's he does have some faith her abilities, it's only fitting that she pays him back in kind. She trusts him.

Silas nods, smiling at her. "Told you, you _were_ the right one. I'm sorry that you had to wait so long to find out."

"Screw you."

Silas lifts his eyebrows at her insult and looks at Elijah, face growing serious. "I'm glad that this does not have to go any further. Tomorrow morning meet Bonnie alone by the remains of the Lockwood property. Give her the cure and leave, do not attempt to follow her or I will trap Elena in a place you'll never find," he finishes darkly and Elena glares at him while Elijah squeezes her hand.

"After you have the cure?"

"I'll die and you'll be reunited with your loved ones," he says with a smile, looking at Elena. "I know you don't believe me but your brother will return to you."

"And Elena?" Elijah asks.

"Once I'm gone she'll be released from this place," Silas says lightly, turning to leave and as he does the Regency room fades back into the drab bedroom of the mansion. Silas is gone; she can no longer feel his presence. Elena slumps onto the window seat, sighing. Elijah stares at her thoughtfully and she remembers what they had been about to do before being interrupted. But it seems Elijah has other things on his mind.

"Is he gone?" he asks.

"Yes, it's just us."

"Good," he says and moves over to her, kneeling between her legs. "I meant what I said, you're the most powerful one here and I'm going to prove it you."

"Yeah? How are you gonna do that?" She smiles tiredly, letting her fingertips play over the ends of his hair.

"Make me stay."

Her hand stills. "What?"

"I'm going to try to leave, stop me."

"I can't," she says, shaking her hand and he smiles at her.

"Try. Just make me stay," he says again and this time she starts to feel him fade, his presence growing faint and she panics, sitting up straight.

"No! Stop!" She reaches out and grabs his arm and feels him growing solid under her hand at once. He smiles at her, proud. Elena stares at him open mouthed; proof that she does have some power here. She grows thoughtful, eyeing him intently. Finally she gives him a tight, curling smile. "Try to stand."

He narrows his eyes at her and a glint of bemusement grows there. "I can't."

"I did it!" Elena laughs, delighted and releases her hold on him. She can affect things with a simple thought. He gets up, pleased and gazes down at her.

"If you can stop me from getting back into my body with no problem then who's to say you can't do the same thing to Silas?"

Elena gets to her feet and cocks her head. "What are you thinking?"

"Something quite smart," he smirks and cups her face again, his humour turning into something affectionate. "I think you're the only one that can make yourself return. You suffered something traumatic and Silas took advantage of that. When you're ready you can enter the world again."

"When I'm ready?" Her entrapment is not fixed; she can leave when she wants? Elena stares around her, almost angry that she has held so much influence and not even realised it. She stares down, dejected and only lifts her head when he places his fingers under her chin.

"When you're ready I'll be there," he says softly and Elena starts to smile slowly. She tilts her face into his hand as his thumb brushes near her mouth gently.

"Will you stay with me until the morning?"

He just smiles, giving his answer as he leads her over to the bed which changes from iron into wood. Above it is a large framed drawing of a horse, standing solitary above them.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_I'm leaving the scene here. Maybe at some point I'll go into detail or if there's an outcry for it._

_I have a weakness for the Regency era :p_


	10. Chapter 10

The room she wakes in is bare but familiar; the posters and pictures on the walls are gone, the dresser with her make-up and books are missing but it is her old bedroom. She focuses and all the little ephemeral objects that filled up her previous life appear, cluttering the dressing table and shelves, giving it life. But soon the comfort she feels begins to fade into something sad and reproachful. None of these things exist any longer because she destroyed them. They are all ashes. Her house still stands but there really is nothing to salvage. The trinkets start to disappear as her mood changes but then something odd happens, objects that she has never seen before start to appear: a comb beside her brush, cufflinks mixed in with her rings, worn leather bound books on shelves and old, sepia stained photographs. Elena looks at the man beside her and while his eyes are closed a self satisfied smile curls his lips.

"That picture over there, is that the Titanic?"

Elijah opens his eyes and sits up in the bed next to her. His smile falls when he sees the photo and he nods. "Yes. Rebekah, Kol and I were on it. Unbeknownst to us our father was also on board. Let's just say his hunting came to an unprecedented halt," he finishes and for all the lightness of his words there is a haunted quality to his eyes.

"I'm sorry, that must have been awful."

"We were in no danger," he replies breezily and the paintings and old photos vanish.

"Even so I can't imagine it's something you ever forget," she says, touching his arm and he looks at her softly and nods. The troubled look in his eyes fades as he gazes at her and leans over to kiss her cheek and then nuzzle at her neck.

"On to other more pleasant areas…" he says, muffled against her throat and Elena smiles, looking upwards. A giddy, elated feeling swells up inside her like a balloon, one that has never truly left her since they had climbed into bed together. Just the intimacy of having contact, someone to hold her would have been enough but this is beyond anything she could have hoped for. A dark part of her whispers that it is not something she deserves, not after what she has done and she secretly concurs. Her guilt is not something that will fade, possibly ever, but right now she ignores it, gazing happily at Elijah as he leans back over her to stare down at her face.

"There's a part of me that would like to stay here with you, even if it is an illusion," she says.

"I'm afraid we would have to depend on Rebekah to sustain us and I don't quite see that panning out for the best," he jokes, brushing tendrils of hair away from her cheek. Elena cups his face and brings him down for a kiss, one that deepens and intensifies slowly until he is nudging her legs apart again. Elena breaks away with a reluctant smile.

"We really will be here forever if we don't get out of this bed. At least until you leave, I mean," she corrects, face growing sombre. Elijah kisses her softly once on the mouth and sighs, rolls off her and throws back the covers.

"What you're about to do is incredibly dangerous," he says in a tight voice, sitting on the edge of the bed. Elena sits up on her knees, nodding.

"I know but I think you're right, I think I have the most control here," she says and with a sweep of her eyes the room vanishes and they suddenly sit in a wooded grove, the light filtering through branches. Elijah stands, fully dressed and looks at her, clearly impressed.

"Creative."

"I did want to be a writer once upon a time," she deadpans and stands, making the bed disappear. She goes to Elijah and stares into his eyes. "I can do this."

"I know. I'll see soon," he smiles gently and settles a kiss on her forehead before gazing into her eyes intensely. She keeps her gaze locked to his as he fades away, leaving her alone but still surrounded by his reassuring aura. She sighs and turns, seeing the mansion she has been trapped in through the trees. It is actually quite beautiful; something that she can admit now that she is ready to leave.

"Okay, ready or not…SILAS!" She screams and the name echoes everywhere, filling every corner of her mind. She wills herself to think of nothing but him and soon she starts to feel a presence peeking at the edge of her consciousness, as if he is reluctant to come any deeper. Elena imagines herself back in the mansion, in the room where she met Elijah and waits for Silas to come to her.

* * *

Elijah moves into the woods, his sister and Vaughn trailing behind. He expected to find a scene of torture or at least a fight when he woke but the two of them were speaking quietly, about what he could not say because they became silent as soon as he entered the room. Watching them reminds him of Alexander, a vampire hunter that Rebekah had been deeply in love with and betrothed to before Klaus killed him. It is unlikely that there is a burgeoning love there and he hopes not for his sister's sake, she loves fiercely and feels that heartbreak just as much when it inevitably comes to an end. Though he would be a fool to say these things to her, his recent exploits have proved him delusional and misguided so he keeps his opinions to himself.

"You know that killing the witch would solve all our problems," Vaughn says casually and Elijah clenches his teeth as he walks ahead.

"It would but I have inflicted enough pain onto the Bennett family, I will not do so again." He comes to a stop at the designated meeting place and in the distance he can hear someone approaching. "Even if I tried I don't think it will be possible. If she is that important to Silas then I think she will prove to be nearly indestructible. She has been using Expression magic and a witch who practises it is not to be trifled with."

"Oh I know, how do you think we Hunters were created?" Vaughn says darkly and Elijah looks back at him. There is a certain weariness to his words.

"What were you before the mark appeared?"

"I was a teacher," he says and looks away, leaving Rebekah to stare at him thoughtfully. But all thought of the enigmatic hunter is gone when Bonnie appears, walking towards them calmly.

"What if Elena fails?" Rebekah hisses quietly.

"She won't, we only need a short time," Elijah says, watching Bonnie carefully. "I have faith." He falls silent when Bonnie stops a few feet across from them. Her face is an impassive mask and there is an odd detached air about her but they can all feel the power radiating off her, it makes the hair stand on end. She takes a step forward and holds out her hand.

"Hand it over please," she says quietly and Elijah hesitates, narrowing his eyes. As the seconds stretch and no one moves Elijah puts his hand into his pocket and in that moment Bonnie gives a loud gasp and falls to her knees, clutching her head. Elijah moves forward.

"Bonnie?"

"What — what's going on?" she asks, looking up at Elijah who offers his hand. She looks at him warily.

"Silas has been controlling you. Please, we only have a short time," Elijah stresses while Bonnie's expression grows thunderous.

"He was inside my head," she says through gritted teeth and gets to her feet, ignoring the offered hand. She starts to walk purposefully deeper into the woods and the others follow.

* * *

When Silas finally appears he looks distracted and irritated, his usual politeness gone. Elena stands before him, arms crossed over her chest.

"What do you want?"

"I can't stand this any more, I want out."

"You called me here for that?" he asks, annoyed and Elena looks down, nodding.

"It — it's been so long, so lonely…" she whispers and glances up to see him regarding her more gently.

"I know, all too well. Where is Elijah?"

Elena shakes her head and sits on the lover's couch, dejected. "He tried to get me out of here but he couldn't. I lied to him, I said that it's been a few months but it feels like years."

Silas sighs and sits down beside her and Elena has to stop herself flinching. "I do not make empty threats and yet I could have killed you, tortured you. Instead you've been here."

"Alone and with nothing to fill my time but the most awful things I've ever done?" she retorts angrily and Silas smiles at her sadly.

"Try spending two thousands years doing that. I have had millenniums to go over my sins, to think what I could have done differently and when I finally reached that point of forgiveness there was no salvation in sight. I was trapped with only this for escape," he taps at his temple and Elena blinks at him.

"Your sins must have been heavy."

"I loved a woman and was cursed for it. Is that such a sin? Oh it was easier to believe that I was a monster, that my outside was a reflection of my soul because then all those years of entrapment felt right. I had not been unfairly punished and forced to endure an eternity of extreme despair that did not warrant what I had actually done. Never punish yourself for things that you truly did not do or intend Elena."

"Why do this to me, if you really think that?" Elena asks and her confusion and misery is real.

"I pulled you into this place as your humanity came back. I have seen your life, seen and felt the pain and tragedy that you have endured and I knew that if I did nothing you would be lost. You said that it feels like years, enough time to face the horrors and grieve, enough time to mourn and slowly come to grips with your losses. Has that been the case?"

Elena blinks at him, torn between horror and a strange wonder. "You did this for my benefit?"

"Would you rather spend years, true years where you feel every second and every minute of each day, going through that process or what you have experienced? I have seen into the mind of the Salvatore's, what they planned for you would have been far worse then this. We both know time is strange here, you can imagine an entire life span within a single thought. I think you know, deep down, how much time has truly passed. The mind is a powerful thing that not even magic can touch."

Elena sits staring at him as he looks into the distance, calm but always with that air of pathos. To believe that he is not the villain that has been portrayed through out history or a victim of a fate similar to hers?

_But he did this, didn't he? But if I have control over my mind then I sent myself here. He just made me believe that it was him and used that to his advantage._

Maybe he is telling the truth, maybe he is someone to pity but she is not going to hang the fate of the world on that. Her compassion has always been a ruling factor in most of her decisions but being without it came with a certain clear headedness, absent of all moralising and worries. She cares; she even feels sorry for him despite what he has done but as he suddenly gets up to stand she attacks him with a furious show of brutality. Taken by surprise he falls and Elena pins him to the floor, baring her fangs at him and the utter astonishment on his face when he tries to push her away is worth the struggle to come.

"You might be powerful and ancient but you're still a sad sap and this is _my_ mind. You didn't trap me here, I did and if I can do that I can do the same to you!"

* * *

Two salt pentagrams are placed opposite each other and lying in one of the circles in Silas. Elijah edges towards him slowly, alert for any movement. The man is thin, his clothes hanging off his body. He appears to be dressed like someone used to hard living on the streets. No one would look twice at him except for the mask over his face. It is a surgical mask that is used on burn victims and Elijah frowns as Bonnie comes to his side.

"Qetsiyah disfigured him after he rejected her."

"You know the more hear about that witch the less I like her," Rebekah says dryly, poking at the salt with her toe.

"Don't break the circle!" Bonnie warns and Rebekah rolls her eyes.

"My mother was a witch, I do know the basics." Even so she moves back and watches Elijah taking the case that contains the cure out of his pocket. Vaughn notes her sad albeit hungry expression.

"I won't have to stop you, will I?"

"I think I've had enough of weapons exploding through my spine thank you." She purses her lips and glares at him and he shrugs.

"I was only doing what I was programmed to, so to speak. Once he's finally dead I'll be free," he finishes and the sardonic look on his face fades away and Rebekah stares at him sadly.

"You'll be human again."

"For what it's worth I'm sorry," he says, surprising her, "it can't be easy for you; otherwise you wouldn't have fought so hard."

Rebekah says nothing, just stares at the ground so she won't have to see her hope of normalcy given to another. Elijah watches his sister, hearing everything and looks down at Silas, deeply conflicted. He came here with one purpose firmly in mind but now he hesitates.

"You said to be quick," Bonnie says at his shoulder and he nods, still looking down at Silas.

"Give him the cure and kill him, remove the risk he poses. He will be trapped on the other side," he muses to himself. "You were the key he needed to bring down the veil before he killed himself, so he could move on."

"Yes and in so doing I'd release a swarm of the dead on us. That is not going to happen," Bonnie says firmly and Elijah looks up at her.

"Do you truly want to spend an eternity in limbo when that time comes?"

"No but what else can we do?"

Elijah shakes his head, "I wish there was a way to bring down the veil but stop the dead from returning. As much as I want the people I have lost here they are not worth the horrors that will also return."

Bonnie nods and narrows her eyes in deep thought. "Maybe…maybe I could do it. I could use Expression, like he showed me. Drop the veil but block the doorway so no one can get through."

"If you can then be quick, he's stirring," Vaughn warns suddenly and they look down to see Silas twitching, as if fighting against invisible bonds. With a determined look Bonnie grabs a bag of salt but her hands shake when she pours a line on the ground, connecting the two pentagrams.

"Stand back, no one cross the line or break it, that is important. If that happens we're screwed."

Inhaling shakily she stands in the other pentagram and closes her eyes, fists balling and with a shudder she throws her head back and her eyes fly open. Her irises and pupils are milky white and inky veins run under her skin as she rides a wave of unlimited power.

* * *

The floor under them shifts and changes: from wood, to carpet, to grass and finally to rock. Elena straddles him, hands pinning his arms to the ground and he struggles under her, making the scenery change with a dizzying speed but Elena pours all her concentration into keeping him pinned down, ignoring what is happening around her.

"This is foolish girl; you do not have the willpower to keep me here."

"I don't want to," Elena says through gritted teeth. She does not want to show how much effort she is putting into keeping him trapped. She had boasted that here she is in charge but she had not really anticipated the force of the mind fighting her. He is unbelievably powerful and it is taking everything she has to enforce her will onto him. So when he suddenly grows slack below her and stops fighting Elena almost lets the reins slip from her control.

He sighs and looks thoughtfully into her eyes. "I'm sorry but I have waited far too long for this day and I won't let you stop me. Soon I will be free of my body and at peace." He smiles, tilting his head and Elena blinks as his features change. For a second she sees something grotesque and almost recoils but then his face settles into something handsome, a man with an aquiline nose and warm blue eyes, a classic Roman face. "I think you'll be able to find your way back, I'm just sorry that it has to be like this. Goodbye Elena."

"Like what?"

But he does not reply as the scene shifts around them for a final time and with an odd ear popping noise Elena finds herself buckled to a seat, in a car resting at the bottom of a river. Her shock is so complete that she loses all hold on Silas and he fades away, giving her one last sorrowful look in the water before she is alone. Panic roars through her and she fights to keep control. Being stuck in the mansion is one thing but this is something else entirely. The possibility of being perpetually stuck in a state of drowning flashes through her mind, chilling her.

_No, this is not real, this is just a memory, _she thinks even as her lungs burn for air. She has drowned twice before and both times she had accepted her death peacefully and she knows that it will be so easy to do that again, to inhale and give in but this time she will not. This is just a drowning of a ghost, this is not her and this will not be her fate again. She has to swim and survive because no one is coming to save her, only she can do that. The mansion is behind her, she needs to go forward, she need to go _up_. She unbuckles the seat belt, dark hair floating around her as air bubbles escape from her nostrils. She pulls on the handle and there is a resistance at first but with a push the door opens and Elena swims out into open dark waters.

Far above her is a shimmering blue, a blue so vibrant and expansive that Elena can almost feel the sky above her and the warm air on her skin. The air. With one last look at the car she begins to kick upwards, arms pushing against the water and she does not look back, her gaze fixed on the light above. But the depth is deep, far deeper than the Wickery River, this is an ocean to ascend and as she battles to swim to the surface she starts to tire, her lungs burning like fire.

_Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on_, she thinks over and over again, picturing the faces of her friends and loved ones to stop her sinking. She thinks of what she wants to tell them, the sorrow and shame that she has to convey and most importantly the love that she needs to feel and express again. She pictures Elijah's calm and trusting face and the swim to the surface becomes easier and soon she is swimming in clear waters, the murkiness gone and the sun shines through. She gives one hard kick and her face breaks the surface and she inhales.

* * *

Over the line a light shines, one that pulses with a double beat, like a heartbeat and grows larger with every second. Bonnie wavers on her feet, head thrown back as she chants, caught up in the power running through her. Elijah keeps back, Rebekah glued to his side as they watch a portal to the other side open.

"Elijah, what if this fails? What if they all come through?"

Elijah looks at his little sister, who he has watched for a thousand years. He has seen the way she gazes at old couples on the street wistfully, seen her play with children and leave rooms to hide her tears and look on from outside at the simple pleasures that only humans can appreciate. He has had to watch and ignore her quite and persistent need to be human because there was nothing he could do about it. Now he can.

"This should be used to give life, not death," he says and turns to Rebekah as the trees around them begin to blow and creak in a gale force wind. Above them dark clouds roll forward, threatening and bleak.

"We have to kill him!" Rebekah shouts as Silas begins to sit up. Elijah grabs his sister's hands and places the cure on her palm before clasping them in his.

"I don't care, this is wrong. I've had no right deciding whether you deserve this or not. You're my sister, that's all that matters," he says earnestly and Rebekah throws her arms around his neck, tears in her eyes. Over her shoulder Elijah sees Silas stagger to his feet and he pulls Rebekah away. "Take it, now."

He watches as she nods and pulls the stopper from the tiny bottle. With a beatific smile she places the bottle to her lips and drinks the red, aerated liquid down.

"NO!" Silas roars and comes forward but as he reaches the edge of the pentagram he jerks back. He looks at Bonnie who stares at him from the other pentagram, her eyes white and eerie.

"The veil is gone, the otherside is no more," she says triumphantly and Silas turns to look at the portal that Bonnie has created. Through the dim light shadows appear, too vague to make out but soon they grow clearer, coming closer. They teem in their billions, like dark stars.

"You did it," Silas says weakly, his failure momentarily forgotten as the first ghosts come into focus and stop at the salt barrier. Silas holds out a hand, halting them.

"I wanted to bring you all back to life again but turn back because you can finally move on. You're trapped no longer."

At his words some of the figures turn and move back into the light until they are lost but others remain and a face Elijah recognises makes him move forward quickly, Rebekah leaning weakly against him.

"Finn?"

"Don't forget about me, will you?" comes a sardonic voice and from behind Finn Kol walks into view. He smiles at his siblings and sighs. "Was I right or was I right?"

"Yes, I think some apologies are in order," Elijah says and cannot stop smiling. His youngest brother has always feared this day and no one paid him any heed. But as he looks at his two brothers the smile falls from his face. "I'm sorry that I was not there, I'm sorry that I could not stop it."

"Elijah you cannot control everything, as much as you would like to," Finn says kindly and Elijah feels a terrible pain. Finn had been stuck in a box for most of his life but before that there was no one Elijah felt closer to. They were the big brothers of the family until Elijah found himself alone with that responsibility.

"I've missed you," he says croakily and Finn smiles sadly at him.

"And I you. Don't fret Elijah, this is what I wanted. My Sage is here and now we have the chance to find peace together," Finn smiles again and turns, taking the hand of a woman Elijah has not noticed and they walk away into the light. Kol remains, looking at Elijah.

"Well I do not share dear Finn's sentiments. I had bloody years left in me and I liked the 20th century. I think I looked quite fetching," Kol says with a grin but it soon fades into a look of something close to remorse.

"What is it?"

"My entire bloodline is here…along with Jeremy Gilbert," he adds disdainfully but there is a lack of maliciousness to his words. Maybe they have reconciled or the other side lends a certain peace, if not the true thing. Kol waves a hand, "I thought about revenge but this place does something to you. Bygones and all that, I've never been one to hold a grudge, far too tiring. Especially when you're a ghost, everyone is dead so what's the point?"

"I wanted us to be united, to be a family again," Elijah says and Kol smiles at him pityingly.

"Elijah, always so idealistic. You always hope for better, that's your problem and your strength. Families old and dysfunctional as ours aren't meant to stay together indefinitely; we would have broken apart in the end."

"Even so I'm sorry that we never really got the chance." Elijah says regretfully.

"But we did, a thousand years ago maybe but we were a family and I have never forgotten that," Kol says gently and looks back. "Mother and father are here, they are going to move on."

"What will you do?"

"Oh I think I'll see what is on the other side of that light. It may prove unwise but what can I say?" he shrugs, "I've always been a creature of impulse. I love you both and maybe one day we'll be together again. Look after her, she's even sillier then I am."

Rebekah stirs against him, waking and Elijah helps her stand straight. She opens her eyes, blinking in the light and groans.

"How do you feel?"

"Bloody awful," she says and licks her lips. "I'm thirsty," she adds offhand and then stills, letting her words sink in. A hesitant, half hopeful smile plays over her face until she beams with a giddy happiness. "Oh god it worked, it worked."

"You're human," Elijah says and pulls her into his arms and then touches her gently, preciously. When she utters a shocked noise he pulls back to see Rebekah staring into the light and turns. Kol is gone but coming towards them is the man his sister had been betrothed to almost a thousand years ago. Rebekah stares at him and her eyes shine with tears. After making sure that she can stand on her own Elijah walks away, giving them some privacy and looks at the clouds gathering overhead. He has experienced many storms during his life and this one looks to be one of the worst. He looks back down, at Silas who has fallen to his knees, too weak to stand and then back at the woods.

Elena lost her hold on Silas and she could be free, stuck or worse. He has faith in her ability to take care of herself but the worry he feels will not abate. He steps in front of Silas who looks up at him warily. The mask has fallen from his face and what Elijah sees causes him to still for a moment. He has seen many types of disfigurement in his life, some of which he has inflicted himself, so the Elephantiasis he sees hardly fazes him.

"She trapped you?"

"She did. Elena is not someone to underestimate but we both know that to our undoing," he utters wryly. He seems to have moved from anger into a weary acceptance. He has lost the cure but the veil has fallen.

"What happened?"

Silas opens his mouth and then pauses, looking past Elijah. He smiles weakly and gestures. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Elijah turns to see Elena walking forward, staring at the portal with amazement. The amount of relief that sweeps through him is shocking in its intensity, as is the delight to see her on her feet again. He moves over to her quickly and when Elena sees him she holds out her arms and he pulls her to him roughly.

"You're safe," she whispers, holding him tight and he almost laughs.

"Was that your concern? Not the end of the world?"

"No," she says, leaning back to look into his eyes lovingly. "I thought you had that end covered." She leans towards him, eyes on his lips when something over his shoulder catches her attention and her legs grow weak. "Jeremy."

Her brother smiles at her surrounded by light, holding up a hand in greeting, as if this is the most normal thing in the world. Elena pulls herself away from Elijah and with shaking steps makes her way over to Jeremy.

"Hey Elena."

"Jeremy?"

"Yeah, it's really me. No, don't," he says as Elena tries to move over the salt line to him. "You shouldn't do that."

"But I want to," she replies gutturally, her eyes already filling with tears. "Oh Jer, I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to die and it's my fault that you are."

Jeremy shakes his head. "It's not your fault and you need to stop blaming yourself. It was my choice to complete the mark; I was the one that killed Kol and his bloodline. Don't take on my guilt Elena; those deaths are on me just as the ones that you've caused are yours."

Elena nods, wiping her face with the back of her hand as Elijah stands at her back. She has had time to grieve and mourn and to reach an acceptance but the thing that has really hurt is that she never got to say goodbye. "I just miss you so much and losing you was so, _so_ awful. I wish you were here."

Jeremy smiles softly. "I love you Elena and I always will. You might not be able to see or speak to me but you know I'll be there. You're loved," he says and his eyes flick to Elijah, "and you have friends that will forgive you."

"But you don't deserve this," she says, unable to stop her tears.

"Maybe but it is what it is. Look you know I'm not one for soppy speeches okay," he says and she laughs, "it's just that I've come to terms with my existence or whatever you wanna call it. I was stuck here but now I can move on. I — I can see mom and dad again," he says with some difficulty, as if he feels guilty for admitting his desire.

Elijah takes Elena's hands and she squeezes his fingers. "You can move on," she says and breathes out a shuddering breath and utters the hardest thing she's ever had to say. "Go to them, find them. One day we'll all be together again"

"You bet your ass we will," he says, making her laugh again. "Live a long, long life Elena, I want you to promise me," he says and she nods vigorously. He moves forward despite himself, wanting to hug her but with a soldiering smile he steps back. "At least we got to say goodbye."

"Only goodbye for now," she says firmly. "I love you so much."

"And I love you." He turns away with some effort and Elijah can feel the way her body strains forward but as Jeremy walks further away he is met by a group of people. It is not just their parents that greet him but all of their ancestors and as Elena watches a woman baring her face looks back at her and smiles before disappearing into the light with the rest of her family.

Elena sags against him and Elijah wraps his arms around her and moves them away from the line. They sit on a ruined old brick wall in silence, just taking comfort in each other until Bonnie falls to her knees, crying out in pain as the portal starts to grow smaller.

"What's happening?" Elena asks, looking at Silas who is also slumped on his knees near them. The old vampire shakes his head.

"She is dying."

"What?" Elena says and with a strength she does not know she posses she gets to her feet. She moves closer to Bonnie but stops before crossing into the pentagram.

"I was meant to do this, once I was a witch again. Bonnie is powerful but what she is doing is beyond her. She is using the last of her life to close the door before it ruptures. The balance is being disrupted," he adds and looks up at the storm above.

"Help her!" Elena demands and Silas looks down at her apathetically.

"Why?"

"I think you're a monster," she says and shakes her head when he moves to touch his ruined face. "No, not because of that, because of the things you've done. You've been in all our heads, manipulating us. My brother is dead and I hated you for that but now..." she trails off. She had been so angry with him but confused whether to take his remorse to heart or take it as another manipulation. Now she has reached a decision and it comes with a sense of release, letting go of a burden. Katherine's part in it is a hurt that she has not released and she thinks that it may be years before she does.

"But now?" Silas asks softly.

"I think those stories about you are just that. I think what happened to you was deeply unfair and you didn't deserve it. Prove that. If you can save her then do it, otherwise the things you told me are just words."

Silas stares at her unflinching and beseeching eyes and slowly nods. Elena steps back with Elijah as Silas shuffles around to look at Bonnie who is curled up on the ground.

"Bonnie, listen to me."

"No, you're a snake, getting into my head."

"I'm sorry but it was the only way I could get you to help me. But this has to stop because if you don't you'll die."

"I can do this without you!" she says through gritted teeth and moves back onto her knees. She breathes raggedly and sweat stands out on her skin. Silas smiles proudly.

"I know you can but I don't want you to die for me. You need to close the portal but you need to draw strength as you do. Use Expression, tap into the earth around you, draw that life into you, take it all."

Bonnie stares at him with suspicion, her eyes blazing white but slowly she turns back to the light. She digs her fingers into the grass at her knees and begins chanting, her head thrown back again. As Elena and Elijah watch the grass around them starts to wither and die as the portal slowly starts to shrink, the storm howling around them. With an ear splitting clap of thunder the rain begins to hammer down, a deluge that soaks everyone within seconds. The dying earth around Bonnie spreads and not even the water that hits the ground is spared. Trees, bushes and flowers grow brown and decay before their eyes but still the portal remains and Bonnie pants with the effort. Finally she looks at Silas, tilting her head in consideration and he smiles gently and nods.

"Please," he begs quietly and the grass around him yellows as he throws his hood over his head and lies down. With a gasp Bonnie draws on the life out of him and the oldest vampire on earth disintegrates into dust before their eyes. Just as the light fades Elena sees a handsome man embracing a brown haired woman before the light is gone and the portal closes.

Bonnie collapses and Elena runs into the pentagram to catch her. Bonnie opens her eyes, her irises back to green and blinks at Elena. She stiffens a little and Elena feels a stab of regret at the caution in Bonnie's face. Elena smiles friendly and before she can stop herself she pulls her friend into a hug.

"Are you okay?"

"I — I think so. Elena? Is it you?" She pulls back, still looking slightly suspicious.

"My humanity is back. I'm sorry for everything that happened, I should have been there. I've missed you."

Bonnie frowns in confusion and then pulls a face. "I saw you yesterday."

"I know," she laughs and hugs her again.

Elijah stops before what is left of Silas and sees only ashes and bones that turn into powder. He turns to Bonnie and she gets to her feet with Elena's help and they come to his side and look down grimly.

"How did you kill him? We've all been labouring under the belief that once he was mortal then he could be killed." Elijah looks quizzically at Bonnie who shrugs, eyes still downwards. The rain continues to pour, washing away the dust until only rags remain.

"I didn't really think, it was just instinct. He was made into a vampire by Expression, I just took it away. I took his life, which is what he wanted."

Elijah nods and his lips curl a little. "I told Elena once that anything supernatural can be killed by the servants of nature. He was an imbalance; he had no weakness, no rival to even his existence out."

Elena says nothing and with a sadness that she does not fully understand she walks away, Elijah and Bonnie following behind. She looks up at the sky and sees the storm cloud moving into the west, a black grey bar on the horizon that soon fades away into blue.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_Ding dong the witch is dead...though I do feel bad for him lol. So I hope this was worth the wait, I've been writing like a mad person for the last two days. I have the next and final chapter finished but I may hold onto it for a bit, I'm still wondering if I should add more to it._

_Also that mention of the Titanic is a story I would like to attempt in the future, so look out for that. Thanks for reading and, hopefully, reviewing :)_


	11. Chapter 11

She hears their quiet voices through the door, hears the strained patience of Elijah's voice and the harsh bitterness of Klaus' that transforms into something devastated. Elena steps back into her room as Klaus stalks out from Rebekah's room and down the stairs, leaving Elijah to stare after him in concern. Klaus reacted to his sister's mortality in a predictable way, anger and resentment but it is clear that his hostility is masking a deep sadness that borders on bewilderment.

"He needs time to adjust," Elijah says softly and then thins his lips slightly. "Our sister is the one that turns human and Klaus has to make it all about him."

"Is she okay?" Elena asks, coming to his side. It has been a few days since the transformation and Rebekah, who has never had to build immunity to anything, now finds herself bed ridden by the simple common cold. She is in for a rough few weeks or even months before her body can adapt to being human again. Mentally Elena thinks that will take years.

"She's resting, she has the best care provided," he says and gestures for Elena to walk, hand at her back. They step onto the porch, looking at the water fountain below. Elena glances at Elijah as he stares ahead but soon his mouth curls as she does not look away. Since she woke from her catatonic state they have not had enough time to talk, not about where they find themselves in regards to each other. What happened in her mind was intangible and dreamlike, though what she felt had been very real but now they are back to reality and now she faces a choice. Not between two men, that time is over, but about herself and what she wants to do with her life. She has years stretched out before her, many paths she could go down and the freedom to choose is at once exhilarating and frightening.

"Something on your mind?"

"Graduation," Elena says, pulling away from her thoughts. She hands Elijah an envelope and he takes it with a smirk.

"Hmm must be forty years since I was invited to one of these," he says and opens it, slipping the card out in bemusement.

"I hope you can come. I only wrote out a handful of these so I'd appreciate it," Elena says lightly and the small smile on his face falls. He gazes at her softly and touches her face.

"I'll be there."

"Good! Now I have to go mail some of these," she says with a forced brightness, stepping back. He catches hold of her waist and pulls her back to him for a gentle kiss. The tenseness that had her body taut starts to loosen and she relaxes, leaning into him. Kissing won't make her pain disappear but every time it happens a giddy feeling bubbles up inside and it makes that day one easier to face.

"Urg, if you have to do that please refrain from doing so within my line of sight. I'm sick enough as it is," Rebekah says stuffily and they turn to see her wrapped in a terry cloth gown, hair a mess and clearly ill. She narrows her eyes at them but her bemusement is obvious.

"You're up. How are you feeling?" Elena asks sympathetically.

"Like someone has stuffed wool in my head, clobbered me with sticks and poured molasses over my soul and seat it on fire," she explains thickly and Elijah laughs quietly before moving towards his sister.

"You knew this wouldn't be easy," he says as Rebekah waves a dismissive hand at him and shuffles into the kitchen, muttering under her breath.

"I guess third time is the charm…"

Elijah clenches his jaw at his sister's impertinence and turns back to Elena who is at bottom of the stairs. She looks up at him, invites back in her bag.

"Do you want company?"

"I'd like to do this alone. But I wouldn't say no to company later," she answers coyly. Careful not to be heard she climbs up the railing quickly, pulls on his tie and kisses him hard and fast before she jumps down and walks away with a pleased smile on her face.

* * *

There are only three invitations in her bag now and her mind is set on a painful but necessary meeting. She has not spoken to Damon and Stefan in days and they have no clue that her humanity is back, she wants to be the one to break that to them, along with divulging some painful truths but hopefully some much needed reconcilement. As she walks towards the house she smiles, thinking about Elijah. That relationship, precious in its newness, is not something she wants to rush, she wants to take it one second at a time and savour every moment. She has the luxury of time and a man patient and willing enough to let things play out. For the first time in years she feels independent and yet not deprived of support.

However she is deeply curious, she wants to know about his history, his interests and dislikes and those little idiosyncrasies that make up a person. She feels that she knows him fundamentally, the sort of man he is at heart but she wants to be surprised too, discover sides unrevealed and show those sides to him too. Can he be unrestrained? Wild and passionate? She knows he cares fiercely about people but what about something more primal? She has had a taste of that and the prospect of more is thrilling.

Elena hears a car approaching and turns, half expecting Elijah but realises it is Caroline. Her car drives past and then halts suddenly with a shriek. A horrible feeling of dread bubbles up in her stomach but Elena forces herself to smile. She has acted despicably towards Caroline and it is a reconcilement she has been putting off. She doesn't want to lose her friend but what else can happen after what she's done? She steels herself when Caroline gets out of the car but does not come any closer in case she has to flee.

"What are you doing out here?" She asks and Elena can imagine the horrible scenarios running through her head.

"I'm walking to the Boarding House," she answers simply and takes a step closer but stops when Caroline tenses. Elena's shoulders slump. "Please don't be frightening of me Caroline, I won't hurt you."

"Yeah I'm just thinking that you're probably tired of walking and considering stealing my car. Car vamp jacking," she says, eyes narrowing and Elena cannot stop herself smiling. She comes forward, head tilting.

"I know you probably never want to speak to me again and I don't blame you. What I did was terrible and I can't tell you how sorry I am for what I did. I — I was jealous."

Caroline's mouth opens slowly and she blinks. "You flipped the switch?" she asks and Elena nods. Caroline pauses, not breathing but finally she lets out a loud breath of relief. "Thank god!" she cries and runs forward, throwing her arms around Elena's neck. She is frozen for a moment, processing Caroline's speedy forgiveness but her relief and gratitude obliterate any confusion. She leans back, tears in her eyes.

"I'm really sorry, you have no idea how long I've wanted to say that."

"I knew that wasn't really you. I mean I've never flipped my switch but I can only imagine the raging bitch I would become. The horror," they both laugh and Caroline hugs her again quickly before moving back, looking confused.

"_You_ were jealous of _me?_"

Elena nods. "You seem to take being a vampire in your stride and you're so good at it."

Caroline shrugs. "Not really. Anyway I had a good teacher," she says proudly and Elena purses her lips, not wanting to tell her the whole truth but her previous blunt honestly is something she is trying to utilise.

"I was jealous of you and Stefan. I could see the ease in which he interacts with you. He looks less burdened, more fun loving. I think you'd be good together."

Caroline blinks, utterly surprised and her mouth falls open again. "Urg…" she trails off, lost for words and a blush creeps over her cheeks. Elena smiles and hooks her arm through Caroline's.

"I'm actually going over there to tell them about my humanity being back. I really need to get some things off my chest."

"I'll drive you," Caroline offers at once, eager to change the subject. Elena gets in and buckles up, occasionally glancing at her friend with happiness who shoots her looks of amused confusion.

* * *

Elena stares up at the old house, Caroline leaning against the car. They had agreed that Elena would go in alone but Caroline would wait outside in case she needs back up. But as Elena moves towards the door it opens and Damon and Stefan comes out to greet her. They smile pleasantly and Elena is on alert at once.

"Look whose come calling! Kill anyone recently?" Damon asks and Elena stares at him impassively. She feels but there is something for a blank look, it gives others nothing and makes them uneasy. Damon may have been acting out of concern but he had no right to use the sire bond on her. Even if she had been bleeding from the pain it was better then feeling nothing.

"We need to talk, all of us," Elena says simply as Stefan walks around her, nodding.

"We do, we were going to ask you the same thing. I think it's long overdue," Stefan says, looking at Damon for a moment.

"We had to do some serious damage control at the prom; thank god vervain is no longer in the water supply. That girl, what's her name?" Damon squints, waving a hand.

"Amber," Stefan injects quietly.

"Right, she's okay, if you know, a little funny," he wags his fingers at his temple, pulling a face and Elena looks down. She has not thought about Amber or how she faired. Feeling and accepting her guilt she looks back up and what happens next is over in a matter of seconds.

The brothers have over a hundred years of strength and speed on her so when they suddenly attack all she can do is scream. She feels the stab of a needle against her arm but whatever they are gong to inject is ripped away as Caroline grabs the syringe from Stefan and shouts.

"What the heck are you doing?!"

"We have no other option," he says plaintively as Damon holds Elena still. "She's out of control. I know it seems barbaric but it's the only way. I've been through it and it sucks but she doesn't care and people have and will continue to die. The sooner we do this the less lives she'll have to feel guilty about taking," he finishes grimly as Elena struggles, shouting at them to stop.

"No, you don't understand, Elena came here to —"

Caroline is interrupted suddenly as both Damon and Stefan fly back twenty feet into the air and land with a thud half way up the gravel path. Elijah moves so quickly that none of the other vampires could detect even a blur. He materialises beside Elena and Caroline jumps.

"Holy crap," she gasps as Elijah looks at Elena with concern.

"Are you okay?"

Elena nods, looking shocked. "I'm fine, Caroline stopped them," she gestures at the syringe in her friend's hand. His face shifts so quickly that if she had blinked she would have missed it but the flash of teeth and blooding of his eyes is an image that is seared onto her mind. Caroline misses it, staring back at the brothers who get to their feet, groaning. Elijah makes a move towards them but Elena touches his arm and he stops. A wordless communication passes between them and he hangs back as Elena walks forward, Caroline at her back.

"Damn he moves quickly," Damon says, brushing himself off as Stefan frowns at Elena.

"Your humanity is back?"

"Yes. If you had bothered to wait and listen to me you would have known," she says, trying to swallow her irritability. Their control over her is something that she wanted to discuss but not right at the start but why smooth the way to spare their feelings? It is wrong and they need to know.

Damon winces, eyeing Elijah who stands back but not too far from Elena. "Ah. Sorry," he looks at Elena, his blue eyes starting to soften with hope. "You're back to yourself?"

"No, I'm still that person but with emotions now. Look, I came here to tell you both about the switch but also other things. What just happened solidified what I have to say and do." She walks closer to them, eyes flicking to each brother. "You can't control me, make decisions about how I live my life and say that it's in my best interests. I knew what I was doing, I haven't thought more clearly in years but I was ruthless. I'm a killer, everyone here is, but that does not give you any right to torture me."

"You did the same thing to me," Stefan answers softly and Elena nods.

"I know but I wasn't ripping girls apart and putting them back together. I retaliated, brutally but out of provocation. I hurt Amber because I heard what you planned with Rebekah but I started to feel that night. That was what flipped the switch, not pain or fear. I think you know that better then anyone," she says to Stefan gently and he turns a pained look to the ground.

"I know you care for me and I'll always care for you both but all of this has to stop."

Damon blinks, looking concerned. "What are you saying?"

"I think we need to have space and time apart," she says simply and Stefan nods, still looking at the ground. But Damon frowns and moves to stare at her intensely.

"I've been waiting for this, for you. I love you."

Elena smiles sadly and takes his hand. "And I love you but not like that, now any more. I'm not saying this to hurt you, you have no idea how much I wanted it to work."

"It was the sire bond, wasn't it?" he asks bitterly and Elena shrugs.

"I know I had feelings for you before that but I've had a lot of time to think and, well, it may have played a part," she breaks to him gently and he looks at her in angry confusion.

"What time?" He asks but Elena keeps silent and Damon starts to shake his head angrily. "Is this it? Will you be ping-ponging back to Stefan? Is that how it's gonna be for the next century?"

His words hurt but she knows he is disappointed and the only way he can deal with that is by lashing out. Elena looks into his eyes unblinking but not unkindly.

"There is no me and Stefan, I think that time has passed," she says and glances at Stefan who looks up nodding, smiling sadly. Elena kisses Damon on the cheek and stands back, looking at them both sadly but resolved. Damon makes a disgruntled noise and disappears, gone in a burst of speed into the house. Stefan sighs and comes forward as Elena stops at Elijah's side.

"He'll need time," he says and looks at Elena apologetically. "I'm sorry, for everything and whatever happens I love you but you're right, we all need to move on." Stefan sighs and looks at Elijah with narrowed eyes, his sombreness turning into something lighter. "You were protecting Elena? What happened to the whole 'I will descend' thing?"

Elena scoffs before she can stop herself. "Let's just say I wasn't in as much danger as he had led you to believe," she says dryly, leaning her body against Elijah's side thoughtlessly.

"Yes, I may have extravagated a little," Elijah says with a smirk. Stefan and Caroline look at the way they stand together, completely at ease despite the odd level of intimacy. A little perplexed but nowhere near guessing the truth Stefan directs a question at Elena.

"What are you going to do once you've graduated?"

"I'm not going straight to college; I'm going to take a gap year. I've always wanted to travel," she says and smiles at Elijah. "After that I'll think about getting an apartment and what college to go to. Oh," she says suddenly, remembering the invites in her bag and hands two to Stefan.

"I'll be there. If Damon has cooled off by then I'm sure he'll be there to," Stefan says and blinks when he spots that Elena has her fingers laced through Elijah's.

"I hope so. I'll speak to you again soon. I think me, Caroline and Bonnie need a night or a thousand to talk," Elena says and Caroline nods. They hug before she and Elijah walk away, the original's hands now in his pockets and Stefan wonders if he imagined it. But as the couple reach the gates of the property he sees them leaning close to each other as they disappear around the wall and out of sight. Caroline looks at Stefan, looking just as bewildered as he feels.

"I feel like I've really missed something, don't you?"

Stefan suddenly laughs and with a soft smile let's Caroline pull him towards her car.

* * *

_Months later_

They sit outside a small seaside café, the sun blazing down on them and Elena twirls a postcard around on the table, balanced on an edge. The sea stretches out before them, calm, blue and glittering. The beautiful weather promises a storm, as is the norm in this country, but having an excuse to spend a rainy day in bed together is more than a little exciting. But imagining other pleasurable activities will have to wait.

"I know you lead a busy life and soon I'll be at college and then who knows what else. So I have a proposition for you," Elena says mock seriously and his eyebrows rise.

"And what might that be?"

"Every year we pick a date, maybe this date, a time and a place to meet. Whatever we're doing we drop it, no matter how busy we might be and we come."

Elijah reaches for the postcard, his shirt sleeves rolled up. He looks and feels more at ease then he has in years. The postcard is for Rebekah but he doubts she will receive it; she is off with a certain Scot who apparently has an enthusiasm for extreme sports. Rebekah seems to adore putting her now mortal life in peril, pushing herself to the limit but at least she is happy.

"Next year you'll send me a postcard and the following year it's my turn?"

"If you like. That way we can spend time together, no matter how many years it's been." Elijah moves from one house to another, never spending more then a few months before leaving for another place or country. Elena has ideas of how she would like to spend her immediate future and seeing as they cannot be with each other everyday this seems like the best option. They are vampires; they have the luxury to be slow. They have spent months together travelling and she has no doubt that their relationship will deepen and become more intimate with time but she is still a young woman who wants to taste her independence.

"It's a deal," Elijah says, with a mischievous light in his eyes.

"I'm glad we've agreed," she replies mock seriously and rises from her chair, her bare legs tanned and eager to move. She holds out a hand and Elijah takes it, lacing their fingers together. He leaves a very generous tip and they walk down towards the Cobb, an ancient stone harbour that Elijah can remember walking on when it was young. Waves wash up over the shore as Elijah points towards the village huddled in the hills above, talking animatedly and Elena tilts her head to hear with a smile.

* * *

**_a.n:_**

_The end! Thank you all for reading, I hope you've enjoyed this story :)_


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